Never Enough
by Shaunah
Summary: How much pain, deceit and life can love survive? Shelby, Scott and a new cliffhanger learn the meaning of love, friendship and sacrifice..Sorry about this technical difficulties EPILOUGE UP FINALLY
1. Run Away

                                Lower Ground

~Monique~

I hate days like this. When it rains. Like the sky is sobbing its eyes out and the world just looks sympathetic, all gray and dull. Which was sort of how I felt in the inside. Gray and Dull. I wasn't surprised. I had days like this. Of unhappiness. The therapist and doctors said that it was not depression, I wasn't that bad but that I felt the need to act out. Maybe they are right. Maybe I'm tired of being invisible but then again like everything else, it has its perks. Invisibility keeps people from seeing the real you and it keeps them from disliking you which in turn prevents them from hurting you. I had learned all this. Eventually they find you out. Those searching eyes, always trying to pry into your business. You're never good enough for them so they always try to fix you. God, can't they leave me alone. Don't they see I'm beyond fixing. Look at you mom, all cozy in the front seat with you damned Oldies music that died a long time ago. Driving me away, literally, to Mt. Horizon school for terminally messed up kids. You tried, I'm sorry it didn't work. The therapy, the doctors, the crying, the screaming, of course none of it worked because you don't know how. No one does. So here I am, in the backseat of the car being driven to "the last resort". Why? Are they going to tell you how your perfect little angel became such a "problem." I'm the only one that knows and I'll never tell. 

"We're here, darling." My mother interrupted my thoughts with her cheerful antics. I cringed at the thought of arriving and at the endearment. She saw in the rearview mirror and her smile faded. She turned around in her seat and just stared at me. I looked back, she couldn't scare me into guilt again, I wouldn't let her. "It won't be that bad. I promise. They….they can help you here. I've done all I can.

I lifted the corner of my mouth, which could be classified as a smile. "Don't worry, mom. I don't blame you." I grabbed my bag and opened the car door, ignoring the look of complete shock on her face. The school stood, not as foreboding as I thought. It was actually kind of nice but I would never admit that, this place and its people were the enemy. It was surrounded by woods and I could make out a lake and dock on the other side. Students milled around, not many, it was small. No one stopped to look at me for which I was grateful. I noticed a tall man and a petite pretty blonde woman striding towards me. I looked back as my mother unloading my bags and placed them in a neat row beside me. Of course, everything always had to be orderly and concrete for her. They reached me.

"Monique Payton, we've been awaiting you. My name is Peter Scarbrough, I am the principal of Horizon and this," He said gesturing to the blonde woman who in turn gave a smile. "Is Sophie. She's the girls counselor for Cliffhangers, which is the group you'll be in."

At seeing them my mother came and stood beside me. "I'm Mrs. Payton." They did the adult ritual of shaking hands. Then Peter turned to me.

"You can finish saying good bye to your mother. Then Sophie will take you to the girls dorm and to meet the other Cliffhangers."

                I nodded and they picked up my bags. My mother engulfed me in a sentimental hug and I surprised myself by hugging her back. When we pulled away she stared into my face and I saw that she had the same light hazel eyes and mocha skin that I did. 

"I'm going to miss you." She said tearfully. 

"Even after all that happened?"

"No matter what you do your still my little girl." She looked at me once more, kissed my cheek and then walked ridgidly to the car, she never looked back, and drove off. 

"Right." I said as an after thought and followed Sophie who was leading me to my dorm. 

It wasn't as bad as I thought and it was pretty spacious. I noticed the beds of other girls but I didn't bother asking about them. Eventually I would meet them, why rush it. I put my stuff down and had enough time to quickly brush my hair in the mirror before Peter came.

"I'd like you to meet some of the Cliffhangers, a few at a time. I think its less overwhelming for your first day."

"Sure." He led the way and I followed. I could hear piano music as we got closer and a sharp pang made me stop in my tracks. It sounded just like- but of course I knew it wasn't. I had burned that bridge a long time ago but some things still triggered my memory. I shook my head as if to clear my mind and stopped just behind Peter as we reached the door-way. I couldn't see anything so I just wanted for him to move. 

"Hey don't you have kitchen duty, but wait, first I'd like you to meet a new Cliff Hanger. Her name is-…" Peter stepped aside and I walked in.

                "Mo?" 

                My heart started to race and my breathing sped up, all I could do was what I knew how to do best. Run.

~Scott~

                I couldn't believe it. Never in a million years. How was the biggest question on my mind but all I could do was sit and watch her run. It was probably the first time in our lives that I hadn't chased her, this time, I just couldn't. My legs, my voice, my body didn't work. Peter stared at me as if I had grown a third head. 

                "What was that?" He asked. I knew I had a heck of a lot of explaining to do.

                "It's a long story." 

                He looked at me incredulously. "I have a lot of time. Spill."

                "I really don't want to talk about it," He raised an eyebrow. I knew enough not to test it. "But since you asked."

                I stood up and began to pace the room. "Mo," I started hesitantly. Just saying her name evoked a thousand memories and thoughts. Some of which I had thought I buried a long time ago. "She was my best friend. We grew up together. Her father is also an attorney and our parents were friends before the divorce. Dinner parties, boating trips, the usual stuff rich people do. She's one of the only people that I can't remember not knowing. She and I used to joke about her being brother and sister since we are so different and not just that she's black. Where I a lacked she made up for and where she was missing I could make the difference. We were inseparable. Anytime you saw me, Monique wasn't far behind. She was captain of the cheerleading squad, I was the star football player, we had everything. Then-…"

                I stopped and took a deep breath before I continued. "Then the divorce happened.  I moved with my dad and we weren't neighbors anymore. That didn't change things much though. What changed things was my drug use and the whole Elaine thing. I withdrew into myself. I blocked everyone out, including her. At first she tried to help me but eventually…it just got to hard and she stopped trying. I don't blame her. I would have stopped a long time ago. After that things were never the same and, I don't know. It just ended. No warning, just like that."

                Peter nodded his head and sat down in a near by chair. I was suddenly very tired so I did the same. 

                "Information about a student is usually confidential but I think you might be important in helping her. Monique is here because of anorexia for which she has been hospitalized twice and for other sensitive issues-…"

                I stood up violently, knocking over the chair. "Stop! Don't tell me anymore. I don't want to hear it from you. I can't help her…I could never help her. I just need to hear it from her…" With that I stormed out of the room and out the door. I ran right smack into Shelby, my girlfriend. 

                "Hey Cowboy, where you off too in such a hurry." She said, wrapping her arms around my waist. I tried to smile, something, but my mind was reeling. She noticed something was wrong and let go.

                "Is something wrong, Scott?"

                "No, not yet. But I have a feeling things won't stay that way."

                "What are you talking about?"

                "I'll explain later. Right now I have someone I need to talk too." I said and I began to walk toward the woods.


	2. Finding You, Loosing You

~Monique~ 

                When I ran, I could certainly run. I ran right into the woods and I had no idea where I was going. I had a pretty good guess that Scott wasn't going to chase me so I stopped. I sat down on a nearby log. I couldn't think. He was here and there had to be a way for me to get away from him. I began to plot crazy schemes in my head. The first thing I knew was that I had to stay here for as long as possible. It was getting a little darker and I had no food and I wasn't thinking practically. I began to shake. He scared me, all of it scared me. A crack of a stick behind me caused me to wheel in terror, sure that it was some unsavory animal coming to eat me. Instead something worse. 

                "Scott…" I jumped up and began to move away. He stood in place watching me. His blue eyes pierced me and the sun reflected off of his golden hair. 

                "Monique, please don't run. I just want to talk." He was obviously distressed but I didn't care.

                "No. I have nothing to say to you. So just go away." I stopped moving and stood facing him, still a distance away. 

                "How? Why?"

                I didn't flinch. "It doesn't matter Scott, I'm leaving anyway. You are the absolute last thing I need."

                "Don't leave because of me. I'm getting help, I'm trying getting better. They can do the same for you-…"

                "You know what Scott, I spent the last two years by myself. You know why? Because my best friend was either too high or too far to care. I did it for that long, I think I can handle it now. Don't waste your sympathy on me."

                The familiar look of fury ran across his features. I knew what was coming. "What! You think I want you to be here? You think I prayed every night for you to get messed up and have to join me in misery? I tried to protect you…from me, from this!" He yelled. The forest around us echoed with the ring of his deep voice. But I could always match him.

                "Well you sure as hell didn't try hard enough! Misery loves company right! I'm sure that Peter guy told you all about it didn't he, and you told him all about us. Everything! Didn't you!"

He just stood there, strangely quiet, not taking his eyes off me. A shiver scurried up my spine. "Answer me, dammit!"

I heard him sigh deeply. "No, Monique…not everything." He said quietly.

 I almost didn't hear him. I watched his broad back as he walked away. I was drained, all the yelling sucked the life out of me. I knew that Scott had been sent away but I assumed to reform or military school, he never said goodbye, he never wrote, he never called. It was all hush hush. I figured he didn't want to see me anymore so I ignored him. What right did he have to suddenly show up in my life now, after all that had happened. I tried to block the memories out of my mind but they came coming and fast. I knew I couldn't stay here alone any more I, I needed a distraction. Maybe Horizon would provide a good enough one. At least I wouldn't have to bother with Scott.

~Scott~

"What the hell is going on?" I looked up and saw an obviously peeved Shelby standing above me where I was seated at the picnic table. 

"Nothing." I was in no mood to discuss anything. In my mind there was no peace and I thought I had found it a long time ago. I was lost again and this time Mo couldn't try and save me because she was just as lost. Shelby sat down beside me and tried a different approach.

"I just want to help you, Scott." She said placing a hand on my arm. "Does it have anything to do with the new girl? Cause if she said anything I can-…"

I got up fast. "You know what Shelby you have no idea. You can't help me with this one, I have to fix it myself. Talking about it isn't any good. I don't even know if I can fix it or if I want too. I just- I need time okay. Give me time."

Her eyes began to well up with tears and I felt like a jerk but the last thing I could do was drag her into it. It was going to get messy and complicated. It already was.

"Fine, Scott. If that's the way you want it." She got up and walked away. I sat back down. Once again everything was falling apart. I was loosing control and fast. For an instant I remembered why I had turned to drugs and in that instant, I knew I was loosing all the high ground I had gained. I realized then that I had to get back, and Monique was coming with me. She would fight the whole way but, I owed her, I owed her everything.

~Monique~

                Eventually I realized that staying in the woods wasn't going to help the situation. I knew how to get Scott, I would be happy, hopelessly disgustingly happily. I would smile, laugh and flirt with everyone, except him. He would see that I was serious about ignoring him. I knew he didn't believe me now about not needing him, I wasn't an idiot, I had known him my whole life. I would show him that if he could hurt me then I could hurt him just as bad. Maybe that would satisfy me, maybe knowing that I got even with Scott would let me be truly happy again. Then again I had known true, complete happiness once and it only lasted a mere moment in time and then…it destroyed me. 


	3. Can You Save Me From This Rain

~Monique~

I spent most of the day unpacking and getting ready to start full swing at Mt.Horizon. That night at the first group meeting I would be formally meeting the rest of the Cliffhangers, I had met most of them that day and I knew I had to make an entrance. I dressed in a short black skirt and tight blue cris-crossed strapped top. My make up was flawless and so was my hair. The last thing I added was a silver chain that hung around my neck and was ornamented with a delicate angel figurine. I debated a while before putting it on and I noticed how my hands trembled when I clasped it around my neck. This wasn't going to be easy but I wouldn't let it show. When I entered the room all of the other Cliffhangers and counselors were seated in a circle talking amongst themselves. David was the first one to spot me in the doorway.

                "Whoa." He shut his eyes and opened them again as if he didn't believe what he saw. Scott then looked up and his mouth dropped open. All of the other Cliffhangers turned to look, Shelby just squinted her eyes at me. 

                "I'm sorry am I late or something?" I said as innocently as possible. Peter sighed deeply and then shook his head. 

                "No, we were just starting. Have a seat." I gingerly sat down on the couch next to Juliette. She leaned over.

                "Great outfit." 

                "Thanks."

                Scott acted like he didn't notice but I saw him glance over a couple of times. He obviously wasn't happy but what did I care. I was out to make him see that I could take care of myself and I would. 

                "Ok. We'll start with a classic…I feel…Daisy, how about you start and Monique can get some idea of how it works."

                Daisy, the girl dressed in all black, cleared her throat and began. "I feel like I'm making progress in a long journey of discovery."

                "I feel like the world is on my shoulders but someone special shares the weight." Juliette said glancing at Auggie. I realized then that they were definently an item. 

                Shelby was next. "I feel like something might be slipping away but I plan to fight for it." I had a strange feeling this was directed at me but I chose to ignore it. 

                It was David's turn. From meeting him early I couldn't decide whether I liked him or not but his sarcasm did have a certain appeal. "I feel like puking up a big bowl of love and passing it around for all to share."

                "David." Peter said in a warning tone but instead of making him repeat himself he just rolled his eyes. "Let's continue. Ezra you next."

                "I feel happy where I am in my recovery." 

                After Ezra it was Scott's turn and he immediately looked at me. "I feel…I feel…angry at the fact that things have to change but happy that there's always a way back."

                "Ok…Thank you, Scott. It's your turn, Monique." Peter said.

                I looked Scott square in the eyes. Neither of us blinked. "I feel that betrayal and dishonesty are ugly but necessary in finding out who your real friends are."

                Scott averted his eyes first and I sat back satisfied. I had struck a chord with him. Monique-one, Scott-Zero. 

~Scott~

                "Hey, everyone." I said joining the rest of the Cliffhangers at the hall. Shelby was there and I made the effort to smile, she smiled back but resumed her conversation with Daisy.  Things were quiet because it was raining outside and no one felt like doing much. I sat down in an overstuffed chair and went to grab a magazine when something dropped out from underneath it. It was a notebook, a normal one, like someone would use at school but that wasn't what caught my attention, it was what was scrawled across the front. I immediately hid the magazine over it and stumbled out of the room. I reached my dorm, made sure it was empty and closed the door. Then I pulled myself up onto the bunk and laid it down in front of me. I didn't move and I barely breathed, I just stared at it. It even smelled like her, sort of a sedated flowery smell. I ran a finger across the letters that spelled Monique and then I did something I knew I never should have done, I opened it. 

~Monique~

                I searched high and low, ripping apart everything in search of my journal. An hour later I realized my efforts were futile and it was gone. Tears sprung to my eyes.  If anyone read it I would die, no I would rather die than have anyone read it. There were things in the there that I never shared with anyone. I knew I had to find it so I kept looking. I went to my dorms and searched underneath pillows, mattresses, drawers and everywhere but it still hadn't turned up. I sat on my bed and buried my head in my hands. My life was over. 

                "Why didn't you tell me." I jerked my head up. Scott stood in the doorway, dripping wet and he clutched something to his chest. 

                "My journal! You read it!" I screamed. I lunged to snatch it away but he was an agile football player and moved out of the way. 

                "I asked you a question, Monique." I stopped. He looked at me with a blank expression, it was cold and I shivered. Then I ran, again. Out into the rain but he was prepared for this. He grabbed my wrist before I could get away. We were both dripping wet and rain pelted us like bullets, it was coming down harder and faster. I tried to get away but he had my in a strong hold, I knew it was going to leave a bruise. 

                "Stop running from me damn it!" He had to yell to be heard above the torrent of rain that was falling all around us. 

                "You taught me how." I said continuing to try and run. He held fast and then I started to cry. Sobbing uncontrollably. He let me go and I fell to the grass while my tears mixed in with the falling rain. He got down next to me and pulled me to his chest. 

                "Please, Mo. Please." He said rocking back and forth. He kept pleading with me but I didn't know for what. I had nothing to give him, but he had everything to give. 

                "I read it. I'm glad I did… How could I not see it, you are so small." I grimaced at the reference to my size. I pushed away and got up. 

                "That's none of your business."

                He wasn't even mad. He shocked me when a single tear made a path down his face. "Did I really hurt you that bad?" 

                "Yeah. You did." I whispered.

                He reached out his arms to me. "I'm so sorry, Mo. I'm so sorry."


	4. The Price of Pain

I didn't go to him. I just stood there, shivering and shaking in the cold. I couldn't. He watched me, watching him. He knew, he always did. 

"I'm just trying to make it right. Why is this so difficult?" He said finally dropping his soaked arms to his sides in defeat. 

"Because, I'm not the same Mo anymore. I'm different. So are you. Nothing is the same anymore."

"You are the same. You're just lost…we all are."

He looked past me now. Out at something that I couldn't see. I wondered what he was thinking but of course I didn't ask. It didn't matter anymore.

"You love her don't you." I said after a moment of silence that sat heavily between us. He averted his eyes to mine now. 

"What are you talking about?"

"Shelby. You love her." I said matter-of-factly. He looked away again.

"Yeah…I guess I do."

"Then why don't you tell her?" I asked. He glanced at me suspiciously. 

"Because…well…I…I don't know."

I moved closer to try and bridge the growing gap between us physically and emotionally. 

"You can't say it because you don't understand. It's like your falling but you're standing still. You're in constant light but still cowering in the dark corners of who you are. See, Scott, that's the way I feel. So don't ask me to explain something that even I don't understand. " I walked away, hugging my arms across my chest to keep in the escaping warmth. 

I could feel him standing there, looking after me. He understood now, I wasn't Monique anymore, I was a stranger. He would still try and help, I knew that, he felt guilty but it wasn't his fault, it was mine because I loved him. In loving him I gave my greatest sacrifice, my heart, from the beginning I knew I would never get it back but that it would be his forever. He would love another and she would be his and he would be hers but he always possessed my heart. I gave it to him freely, I never asked questions, because I loved him. 

~Scott~

I dug my hands into my pockets and walked back towards the boys dorms. This night had been hell and I just wanted to curl up and sleep. I moved with my head down wearily. I bumped right into someone and quickly mumbled a sorry.

"Scott?" I looked up. It was Shelby. She had been crying but then again, so had I. 

"Hey." I said as casually as possible. My heart was racing from the previous conversation with Mo. How come three little words were so hard to say?

"What are you doing out here? It's pouring." 

"I was…uh…taking a walk. I needed some air." 

"Oh."

"Scott-"

"Shel-"We both said at the same time and then chuckled.

"I'll go first," She said. I nodded. "I was coming back into the girls dorm when I saw…I found…it was open, I had no idea it was hers, the journal. I read some of it, it was as if someone had dileberately left it open for me to see. I didn't understand at first. Why you so desperatley needed her to understand…but I do now. She loved you so much. She wrote about the nights when you were so high that you couldn't get home and she would come and get you, take you to her house and let you sleep in her room. When she had to check every hour to make sure you were still breathing. The days she would make excuses for you in school and risk her own grades, etc. so that you were taken care of. She wasn't kicked off of the cheerleading squad she left, so she could be there when you needed her. One night, she said, she came over and found you slumped on your doorstep, she got so scared that she started to cry hysterically. She dragged you to the couch and watched until you stopped throwing up enough to get to sleep. The night-…" She stopped and rubbed the tears out of her eyes, I did the same. I wanted her to continue, to see. 

"You came home and were in a drunken, high rage. She had picked you up after your "group" called. Then she had had enough. She ran into your room and ripped it apart until she found your stash of drugs, she dropped them down the toliet, screaming and crying all the while. Then you came in and found your room in a disaster and her slumped against the toliet. You realized what had happened but you were still drunk and high, you were so angry. You ran in…and…you yelled that you hated her, that you wish she would mind her own business but none of that mattered until…until you yelled that you never loved her, never did and never would. That hurt her, and she never came back. She was the one that got you sent here, she knew she couldn't save you anymore, she left a note for your father. Scott, I've never known someone who would risk so much for someone else that didn't care one way or another. Everything I do seems so incredibly selfish now…" She began to cry and held her in my arms, kissing the top of her hair. 

"I know, Shel…I know. I read it too…After I left she was so alone. She went from boyfriend to boyfriend, and finally she lost control. She couldn't eat, wouldn't eat, she had no one. No one."

We stood there, her in my arms and me drawing strength from her. I realized what I had to do, I had to do exactly what Monique did for me. Save her. 


	5. The Journal

A/N: Some of you wanted to know what was in the journal. So here I'll give you a taste of what it was like for Mo. If you like reading what Mo writes in her journal, tell me in a review and I'll add more. ENJOY!  

~Monique~

I couldn't tell if things had changed. Scott and Shelby seemed to be back together, not that they were ever really apart. When he was with me I could always tell it wasn't how it used to be. Before when he had girlfriends they wouldn't mean have as much to him as I did. Some even left him after claiming that he loved me more than them but now, now I knew that he had found something in her that I could never give. Maybe it was a new life, I was apart of his past, the old Scott and to me he would probably always be the old Scott. I wasn't jealous of her. How could I hate someone that made Scott happy? I looked down at my journal again. I had found it on my bunk, a little soggy but not damaged. It was almost electric when I held it now because Scott now knew what was written between its flimsy cardboard covers, but he didn't know everything. Half of what happened he would never remember. That's how his highs worked. He would do something crazy or harmful and not even remember that he did it. Sometimes I wish I could claim that excuse, of not remembering. It would be easy to make the excuse that what happened that night had never really, maybe then it wouldn't be so painful. I closed my eyes to try and ward off the memory but it was impossible to stop them when they came full force. So I let it and then I wrote it. I wrote what I hadn't been able to write before. 

~The Journal~

            I remember it as if I had lived it five minutes ago. Scott, standing there with that crazy, wired, look in his eyes, me, dragging him into my house, and up the stairs. The sad thing was that I was used to it by now. It didn't shock me that he showed up on my doorstep at three o'clock in the morning, high and drunk. Since Elaine moved in he had been coming more and more frequently.  He was lucky my parents were never home because he wouldn't have had anywhere else to go. It was when I got him into the bathroom that he started vomiting, everywhere, all over. I had to turn around and clasp a hand to my mouth to keep my own bile in. Then I cleaned him up a little, dragged him back to bed and rolled him over on his side so at least he wouldn't choke. He kept trying to talk to me through it but he was just moving his lips, no sounds came out. I went into the bathroom and cleaned it up. I walked past the mirror, something I had avoided doing for a long time. My eyes had bags under them and they looked blood shot and tired. My usually perfect hair hung in curly, unruly tendrils. I looked almost as bad as Scott. Sighing I walked back into my room and he was sitting up. I was relieved that I wouldn't have to take him to the emergency room as an OD case but then I wondered how much longer it would be before I did. He continued to mumble inaudibly. I walked over and began to go through the normal ritual of getting him undressed and changed. I began to unbutton his shirt, with my eyes down. I knew that if I looked at him I would start to cry, so I bit my lip and continued. I pulled off his shoes and pants. He sat there in his boxers, while I went to get some clothes. I got out a t-shirt and pair of sweats he had leant me ages ago that were thankfully still around. I went to him to and tried to slip that shirt over his head but he stopped me by wrapping his fingers around my wrist. 

            "Mo, I don't want that." He said with his lips close to my ear and whispering into my hair. I didn't pay any attention to him, he was too high, he had no idea what he wanted. I continued and I managed to get the sweats and shirt on.

            "Go to sleep now, Scott. I'll figure out what to do with you.  I do know that I'm going to kick your butt in the morning." I said. He looked different now, determined and it startled me. He grabbed my wrist again and pulled me to him. He took one hand and moved the disheveled hair out of my face and outlined my chin with a finger. Then he kissed me. Not a friendly peck but a full throttle kiss. I tried to back away but he wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed down my neck. 

            "Stop…It." I pleaded. 

            "Why?" He asked me. I thought he was joking but he was dead serious. I couldn't answer, I either didn't know why or I didn't want to know why. It didn't matter because it was too late then. I guess that night acted like a strange euphoria, a drug sort of, because I was floating for a while, in his arms, feeling our bodies move in rhythm. Then just like a drug, I crashed, falling hard to the earth. Realizing what I had done, what he had done, what we had destroyed and created. I woke that morning next to him, trying to figure out what to do. I knew I would have to skip school again. He was still sleeping, he would sleep for a while, so I got dressed and went downstairs to the kitchen table. Like a robot I instinctively made coffee and sat down with my hands wrapped around the cup, letting the warmth penetrate my skin. I stared into space, my mind blank. I didn't even see Scott when he walked in, dressed in the sweats and shirt, rubbing his sleepy eyes. 

            "Morning, Mo." He sounded completely sober. He padded around the kitchen opening the fridge, getting cereal and all the while I watched him. He sat down across from me.

            "Since when do you drink coffee?" He asked, eyeing the cup. I shrugged. I technically didn't drink coffee because I hadn't had one sip.  

            "God, my head is killing me. That must have been some trip."

            "Yeah, some trip." I responded half-heartedly. He began to eat and then stopped, letting the spoon drop to the side of the bowl. 

            "You know I had the strangest dream last night," He began. "You and I, we…never mind it was ridiculous. Man my dreams sure are wild. Hey, can you pass the sugar?" 

            I almost threw it at him but instead I just got up and walked away. Then I spent the rest of the morning sobbing after he left to do who knows what.  I never told him what happened. I also never told him that for weeks afterwards I couldn't sleep in my own bed, I didn't tell him that I began skipping meals because putting anything in my stomach made me feel guilty. I felt like I should have been punishing myself. Then that night happened, when he said he hated me, that I should mind my own business etc. I couldn't take it anymore, I had to do it. I left a note for his dad, accompanied by some of his drugs and an empty bottle of vodka. All it said was: "Help him, because I can't.-Mo." I thought I could help him by myself and I didn't realize how bad he was until those nights. I could stand him hating me for the rest of his life, as long as he was alive long enough to live it. 

~Monique~

I had left this part out of my journal for a reason. I was trying to forget but now I know that in the process of forgetting you have to let it go. So, I'm letting it go. I'm writing down everything that ever happened and I'm giving it to Scott. I spent the rest of the morning writing, I asked Sophie and she said it was alright. I think she understands. Sometimes I would laugh at the crazy stuff we did and sometimes tears would fall in anguish. Other times I would grit my teeth in anger but I always loved him. That was the uniting factor of all the experiences, no matter what I was always there and I never regretted one thing except for that night. I finally finished and I sighed while closing my journal shut. I moved my wrist in an effort to get the cramp out. I picked up my journal, holding it to my chest. I laid it on Scott's bed and walked out to the dock. 


	6. Past and Purgatory

A/N: I've decided that before I can continue on with her story you need to know more about the relationship that Scott and Mo had. This is probably my longest chapter, it's mostly her journal. I hope you like this. R/R

----Scott----

I walked into my dorm after having kitchen duty. I was heading toward the bathroom when I spotted something lying on my bed. I picked it up and a note fluttered from the top. I already knew who it was from.

Scott,

This is the journal that I started keeping when we entered high school. It's reminiscent and prophetic. I never thought I'd ever let anyone read it but I'm giving it to you now. It's the only way I have to explain. So read it with your heart not your mind because you would never understand, sometimes I don't. Read and know. 

                                                                                  Love, Mo

I was a little perplexed but regardless I opened the book in a sort of reverence. Here was Mo, the girl I had known all my life, baring her soul to me, completely naked, nothing covering. This wasn't just what she had written, this was her. Grasping the significance of this I began to read from the beginning.

The Journal-

August 31 The first day of high school is tomorrow. I'm really nervous, but not so nervous, Scott will be there. Yesterday he told me not to worry. It would be like it had always been. He'd come and pick me up, we'd walk together and of course we'd have all the same classes. Sometimes I wonder how he's so confident other times I wonder how I put up with him. Oh well, I can deal with that, I hope things never change. September 15 

_I haven't written in so long. High school is great and Scott was right, nothing much has changed. Except for one thing. It seems that over the summer all of the girls who never noticed him in middle school are acting like he's the hottest thing since…well…everything. He looks the same to me. Maybe its because he's taller and he has filled out. I don't know, he's still the same Scott to me. I wonder if they would like him if they knew he still slept with Mr. Fluffums. He'd kill me if I ever told. Graham Martin was staring at me in third period and I think he's cute. I hope he asks me to the Fall Formal. I have to go, my mom's calling me. Sometimes I think she only needs me to show off to her friends. That wouldn't be a problem if her friends looked like Graham Martin. _

_September 30,_

_I can't believe it! I made the cheerleading squad! I was so nervous but I did it. It feels good to finally stick it to the stuck up snobs that said I would never make it. I am good enough to join them and I'm going to kick butt. Scott made the football team but I'm not surprised. He's really good. It's been a great day because Graham Martin asked me out. I like him so much! I can't wait for our date on Friday._

_October 5,_

_Today was not a good day. Scott's mad at me. Every Friday we go to the movies and I sorta forgot to tell him that I was going out with Graham. Well, he went to the movie theater to wait for me and the I walked in with Graham. I've never seen him so furious. He didn't leave though. He would never give me that satisfaction. Instead he got his usual popcorn, soda and malted milk balls and sat behind me the whole time. I could tell Graham was uncomfortable because his neck and ears were really red. I could have killed Scott. Why does he always have to ruin everything! _

----Scott----

The next few months were filled with us forgiving each other, cheerleading practice and Graham Martin.  The next entry that was dated two months later caught my eye.

The Journal

December 13 

_I almost didn't write. I feel so horrible. Graham dumped me and not only that he dumped me for Patricia Carmicheal. Of course she's the most popular and beautiful girl in school why wouldn't he. I had to endure cheerleading practice with her sneering behind my back but then I went home and cried. Scott came by and tried to comfort me but it didn't help so he left. Maybe this wont be such a Merry Christmas after all. _

_December 14_

_I CANT BELIEVE HE DID THAT!!!!I take back anything mean I have ever said about Scott Barringer. He's my hero. I had to endure a whole day of Patricia and Graham. They were so entangled with each other it was disgusting. The worst thing was they did it purposely.  At the end of the day I was feeling like locking myself in my room and eating double chocolate brownie ice cream. I walked by the boys locker room and a huge crowd had gathered in front. Everyone was laughing and pointing. I pushed through to get a closer look and I almost passed out at what I saw. A dripping wet and obviously mad Graham was hanging by his underwear on a hook on the door. His pants had dropped to at least his thigh and he was cussing like a mad man. I couldn't help but laughing with everyone else. He looked ready to kill and he was thrashing around trying to get down. Patricia was close at hand trying to help him. It was hilarious. I turned and then I saw Scott leaning against a wall a few feet away. He had the widest grin on his face and I immediately knew what had happened. All I could do was shake my head in mock disapproval. He winked and sauntered out like he was the man of the hour. I will never forget this for as long as I live._

------Scott------

A year passed uneventfully. With much of the same activities, friends and problems. It talked about being grounded for sneaking out. Her new boyfriends many of whom I remembered I hated. I couldn't think of a time when I liked any of her boyfriends. I continued to read to the beginning of our junior year. 

The Journal

_September 14,_

_I think something is wrong with Scott. Everything seemed fine until today. Last week we went to the Cheerleader/Football Banquet together since captain of both teams have to go. He was smiling and laughing. He had expressed doubts about his dad's new wife Elaine but I thought he had made a lot of progress since the divorce. Today he had the same look he had when his parents split up. Total indifference and pain that he didn't want to share. I'm scared for him. I don't know why but I don't think things are ever going to be the same. Oh god please don't let that be true. I need him and I know he needs me. I'll just give him time, eventually he'll tell me. _

_November 23_

_I haven't written in a long time because I haven't had much time to myself lately. I don't regret this. I was right. He did need me. I'm still very confused as to what brought about this change in him. When he looks at me he looks right through me. Yesterday I found out he had been skipping football practice and that he was being suspended from the team. When I tried to ask him about it he brushed me off. He's also on academic probation. Scott on academic probation! He's one of the smartest people I know! He used to lecture me about my math grades. I don't know what to make of this. I just hope it doesn't get worse. I cant keep covering for him when he isn't at school. I wonder where you go when you aren't with me, Scott. _

_January 15_

_I feel like my whole life is now consumed by Scott. I cant escape it but yet I don't want too because I know if I leave him alone he could…I cant even say it. He could die, or hurt himself really bad. I now know why he's always so lethargic and dreamy, he's high. I had come home from cheerleading practice and decided to stop off at his house. I just went in since I knew where the key was. I called for him but there was no answer. I walked up to his bedroom and as soon as I entered I saw him. He was spread eagle diagonally across his bed. His long legs hung over and they weren't the only things that were. A large half empty bottle of Vodka sat next to him. He was asleep and didn't even notice me come in. I had to step over clothes, and all kinds of other unidentifiable objects. I slapped him a couple times to wake him up just to make sure he was still alive. On my way out I threw away the bottle. I was so shocked and upset that I just left him there. I went to my car and I couldn't even drive. I just let my head fall to the steering wheel and cried. I know that slowly I'm loosing my Scotty. I don't remember why but I noticed that Mr. Fluffums was next to the bottle of Vodka. It was strange to see the last bit of innocence corrupted by something so damaging. _

_February 19_

_I quit the cheerleading squad today because I need to be home for Scott in case he gets into trouble. Last week he had come to my house high and was probably slumped on the doorstep for an hour or so. I can help him. I have to help him. He's using weed now. I saw him hanging out with the potheads after school. When I look into his eyes now they've lost their vibrant blue. They are dead, lifeless. The only trace of Scott left in them is that all too familiar shadow of pain. I had the most horrible nightmare last night. I was standing in a room and Scott was standing right in front of me. I kept screaming at him and pulling him but the more I tried the more he faded until finally I was grabbing at air but I couldn't stop reaching. That's what it seems like now. I'm grabbing at air, like he's already gone but I can't stop fighting for him. If you wont fight Scott, then at least let me fight for you. At least he remembered my birthday. He gave me a beautiful delicate silver angel on an exquisite chain. He told me that it was his grandmother's. Then he left to go get high. Happy Birthday to me. _

-----Scott----

I had to stop for a moment and breathe. It was all too incredible. I didn't remember half of the stuff she had written but I chalked it up to being to high to know or care. I read the next entry that was dated about a month later. I was startled and shaken to the core of my being. Subliminally I remembered a little about that night. I know she had taken care of me but it seemed like all the other nights. I couldn't believe that I had hurt her like that. That I had taken from her something that I could never give back. I had scarred my best friend. I had to close it. My mind was telling me to stop, that it wasn't worth it. I didn't want to live through this pain but then I remembered that Mo lived with it everyday. It must have been torture for her to even look at me. All this time I had disillusioned myself into thinking that I was protecting her from my issues when in reality she had been exposed full force. Out of all the people that I had hurt in my life I knew I had hurt her the most and she had taken it. With my mind I couldn't fathom why she would put up with me but in my heart the answer was clear. Because she loved me. 

The Journal

August 5 

_It has been months since I've seen or heard from Scott. He doesn't write or call then again he's probably in reform school or military school, they aren't that lenient. I wouldn't blame him if he didn't. Some days I convince myself that I don't need him anymore, that he's no longer apart of my life, that I should just move on. But then I turn and see the only picture of him that I'll allow out, the one of us at the Cheerleader/Football dinner where he's wearing that mischievous grin, and I miss him all over again. I miss the way he always knew what to say to make me feel better, I wish I had that now. It's hard was hard to talk to your best friend about your problems when they were one of your major ones. Sometimes I'll here a certain song that reminds me off him or something we did together. Before he left I found Mr. Fluffums sitting on my doorstep. I took him inside and curled up in bed with him clutched against my chest. Then I slept and cried for three days straight. I feel so lonely without him. He was my best friend, my brother. I stopped hanging around my usual crowd, I couldn't stand being around them without him. I let so many guys take advantage of my loneliness. Kyle, Scott's closest friend from the team, was the worst. He kept telling me what a jerk Scott was for leaving me and he understood nothing at all. I wanted to scream at him and him but instead I slept with him. I never told anyone about his forcefulness. It wouldn't matter. Everyone knows Mo has become the ho of the school.  It's like I'm doing the complete opposite of what I want. Like I have no control over myself. Or maybe it's just that I don't care anymore. My mom's getting worried. She's talking about therapy. It's probably because I took her prized Indian vase and smashed it against the wall. I stood there, watching it shatter into a million pieces and I laughed, hysterically. My mother is convinced I'm psychotic. Go ahead and put me in the looney bin, at least they can't hurt you there._

_August 10_

_I went to my fifth therapy session today. Dr. Hillard isn't very good, all she asks me is about how I feel. Doesn't she understand. It isn't about how I feel its about how he's feeling. It's that desire to know. I cant be happy myself until I know I haven't hurt him. I don't see why they waste their time on me. I'm defiled. Kyle dumped me but I'm not surprised in the least. If I wear long sleeves I can hide the bruise he gave me. When I got home my mother 'surprised" me with a brand new dress for the debutante ball. I've told her a thousand times that I'm not going. She refuses to accept this. I didn't fight or scream. I took the dress upstairs, lit a match and set it on fire in the bathroom. I sat and watched it burn in the tub. I watched as each gauzy blue piece of material turned from superficical gorgeousness to scorched purgatory. She came bounding up the steps and began pounding on the door. I waited for most of it to be consumed by the fire before I doused the flame. When I opened the door her eyes were wild with tears. It was funny, I never noticed how old she really looks. The lines around her mouth and eyes were creased. She told me to go to my room. I knew she was waiting for my father to get home. They are at their end. Welcome to the club, mommy and daddy. _

_August 30,_

_I'm leaving tomorrow for Mt. Horizon. Apparently it's a school for messed up kids. I'll fit right in. I laughed at how hopeful my parents looked when they told me. 'It will be good for you', 'you'll like it, you'll see', we are doing this because we love you'. What an excellent cop out. They're doing this because they cant take anymore of me. That's okay though because I can't take anymore of them. They were so proud of me when I was straight A, captain of the cheerleading team, debutante, Monique but they can't understand how I changed. They can never understand, no one can. It's like something that eats you from the inside out. There's nothing you can do but watch and hope for it to get better.  I'm afraid that they're love was measured by how much I did and not by the fact that I was their daughter. I realize now how incredibly meaningless all of it was, what made it special was that Scott was there with me and that I always knew I could run to him. I wish you were here now, Scott, I'm so tired of running. _


	7. Letting Go Of His Heart

A/N: short chapter. I just wanted to get Shelby in here again. R/R

~Monique~

I sat on the docks with my legs hanging over the side, staring out into the vastness of the sky. I wasn't really thinking of anything in particular, just basking in the freedom of knowing that I finally told him. That he knows now and what he decides to do with it is his decision. The ball was in his court. I was hoping that we could talk about it and reconcile but I've run from him for so long that it seems impossible now. I recalled the conversation that I had just had with Shelby. She was sitting at a table outside and something compelled me to talk to her.

      "Hi." I said standing over her. She looked up from whatever she was writing and was a little startled. 

      "Oh..uh..hi." She said tucking strands of blonde hair behind her ear.

       I sat down next to her. "We don't know each other well and we probably should, considering we are most likely the only people in the world that really know Scott. You probably know all about it now. That's good because if you are ever going to go further with your relationship you have to know."

       I stopped to sort out what I was going to say in my mind then continued. "When Scott and I were fourteen, the year before high school started, we made a pact, a promise. He said that if we weren't in love with someone else by the time we were twenty- eight then we would marry each other. It seemed like a logical thing, we were best friends, we could tolerate each other, we knew everything about each other from our favorite cereal to our worst fear. I don't even think he remembers that now, but I never forgot it. For as long as I've known him I've never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you. You only have twelve years to go to keep his heart. Don't stop now."

     With that I got up and walked away, leaving her sitting there shocked and puzzled but I was almost a hundred percent sure that she understood what I was trying to say. From that moment I had handed over responsibility for Scott's heart to someone else after keeping it for so long. Now there was only one more thing left to do, talk to him. 


	8. Jumping Home

A/N: Short chapter cause I'm working on the others. Its gonna get even more interesting after this so keep looking for updates. I'm having entirely too much fun writing this..lol…THANKS FOR REVIEWING..Enjoy

----Scott----

      I walked alone by the dorms after group session. The sun was getting lower but there was just enough light to see easily where you were going. I lifted my head towards the dock and I noticed someone sitting alone of them. Probably just a person trying to take a break. I could relate to the need to get away sometimes. But in an instant I saw them fall in and I also realized that it was Mo. I ran full speed towards the dock, screaming her name against the wind. The sound of my voice kept being thrown back at me and I was sure she couldn't hear me. I got to the docks and began searching frantically for a sign of her. The water was silent and placid, as if nothing had happened and its normal patterns had been undisturbed. Then I saw it. The necklace I had given her for her birthday, the one with the angel figurine. It was sitting on the dock, carefully wound so that it wouldn't tangle. For some reason that scared me out of my mind. Without thinking I threw my shirt off and jumped into the cool water. I felt around for a body part, an arm, a hand anything to tell me she wasn't gone forever. Something kicked me in my side and I rose up to the surface for a breath of air. When I came up Mo was bobbing up in down in the water staring at me with a look of fury. Without a word she pulled herself up onto the docks, snatched up the necklace and began to stomp away. I followed suit and walked after her. 

      "Mo wait." I said breathlessly. I wasn't sure whether to be happy that she was alright or angry that she didn't even thank me. She spun around.

      "You always have to be the hero don't you, Scott."  

      "What?"

      "I was just fine. I can handle it." She yelled but she wasn't even looking at me. I had no idea what she was thinking. She stopped yelling but was panting as the water dripped all around. She resembled a wild woman, standing there, dripping wet with that frightened but furious look in her eyes. Silence sat between us heavily until finally she just sat down on the dock and buried her head in her hands. I knelt beside her.

     "Mo…you didn't…jump…did you?" She lifted her head to meet my eyes with her own. 

     "That would be easy wouldn't it. To just end it." She must have noticed the shock that registered on my face. "I usually don't take the easy way out. Killing myself was never on my agenda of things to do today but the water, it was like it was calling me."

      "I have no idea what you're talking about but you're freaking me out."

      "Sorry, I don't know either. I need to lie down, I'm going to my dorm. I'll talk to you later. Before I leave."

    She got up to walk away and I stopped her. "Leave?"

    "Oh yeah I forgot to tell you. I'm going home for a little visit. My mom called today and demanded it. Looks like they missed me." With that she walked away. I had the distinct feeling that her going away was a bad idea. 


	9. No Place To Go But Down

The car ride home was as silent and meaningless as the drive to Horizon. I spent most of the trip staring blankly out of the window and my mother spent it trying to make conversation. I knew she was dissapointed. I knew she had expected a huge change. I wasn't sorry to dissapoint her, she was sorry that I did. Things had changed a little, my inside didn't feel so…empty and I didn't feel so burdned but there was still that dullness to life that I had experienced before. Something unexplainable but always there, I lived with it, it was apart of me. When we finally pulled up in front of our sprawling southern style mansion I couldn't help but feel a sad twinge. I remembered the good bye to Scott, I had told him it wasn't permanent, that I would be back, but even I didn't know that. There was a look of urgency in his eyes when I finally stepped inside the car, like he was restraining himself from pulling me back. I wanted him too, but instead he just stood there, watching me and laborously lifting a hand to wave when I drove away. I didn't wave back. My mother stopped the car in front of the fountain and Randolph, one of our hired help, immediately came running out to assist with the luggage. He was a tall man, thin as a rake and looked like a slight wind would blow him over. He was devoted and incredibly loyal, I would compare him to a dog. I gave him a passing glance as I walked up the steps. I went through the door he had left open and stepped into the house. The first thing that hit me was how untouched, unchanged, unfazed it looked. Everything was in its place from the spanish china on the dining room table to the rare mid- century Italian leather couch that graced the drawing room. I swept the area with my eyes, quickly taking in all of it. It was all so…beautiful but at the same time, cold and unfeeling. Like a museum. I went straight upstairs, not bothering to even wait for my mother. My room had also been left untouched, minus the few items I took to Horizon. The large African ebony bed stood in the middle of the hard wood floors and the drapes were still hung skillfully so that they looked like clouds over the bed. The window that covered half of one whole wall was closed tight, as if someone was afraid to let something in. I opened it. The couch, the chairs, the fireplace, the books, the television, computer,telephone,vanity,paintings,stero system, all left alone. I hated them. They were just more reminders of how empty I felt. I would trade everyone of those things for the part of me that all of my troubles had stolen from me. That one part that allowed me to laugh and joke with my friends, to cry in sadness and joy, to love completely. I laid back on my bed, letting the down filled satin sheets crush me with softness, I closed my eyes and tried to remember. I tried to remember the last time I had felt free, and then I remember, when he loved me. 

"Monique…Monique?" 

Someone was calling me, I clenched my eyes tighter so that maybe they would go away but to no avail. They called again. This time I rolled over in bed and tried to open my heavy eyelids. Dee, the other hired help and wife of Randolph, was standing over my bed. She was pursing her puffy lips and had was using her pudgy hands to try and wake me. 

"What is it?" I said sounding ticked.

She looked nervous and I know why. She was there when I threw the vase and set fire to my dress. She probably thinks I'm some kind of hardened teenage criminal. I try to soften my tone just so I don't scare her and have to talk to my mother. 

"Your mother wants to see you in the living room." 

"Fine." I say while turning back over and closing my eyes again.

"Uh..she said…right away." She said continuing to stand over my bed, watching me. I wish I had locked my room door. Groaning I got out of bed, knowing that I would probably wouldn't get rid of her unless I got up. Dee finally left and I brushed the hair out of my face to look at least half decent. I skipped down the steps because I was in a hurry to get this over with, my mother on the other hand mistaked it for being excited to see her. 

"I'm so glad your down here," She said smiling from ear to ear and taking me by the arm. "I have a surprise for you that will really lift your spirits."

My mother led me into the living room and I had a slight nostgalia about doing this one time before when I had first come to Horizon. There was someone sitting on the couch, facing the wall. He was tall and well built, dark haired. I opened my mouth to ask who it was when he turned, I had to catch myself from fainting. It was Kyle. He was wearing a very fake, I'm-so-glad-to-see-you-I-missed-you-grin. Being that knight in shinning armor that he is, he came and took my arm and pulled me towards the couch next to him. I made my best effort to scoot away but he kept a firm, and almost painful grip on my wrist. My mother thought this was incredibly cute. 

"I'll just leave you two alone to catch up. If you need anything I'll be upstairs napping." With that and a conspiratal with Kyle she left the room in a flurry of expensive perfume and organza. As soon as she was out of ear shot I jumped up off the couch and without even looking at Kyle. I jerked the front door open and bounded down the steps.

"Monique! Come back. We need to talk." He said coming after me. I stopped and let him catch up with me but I wouldn't let him touch me. I would never let him touch me again. He stood infront of me, his handsome facing contorting into a wry smile. 

"I missed you." He said reaching for me. Instinctively I jerked backwards, away from his grasp, and he flinched. 

"I'm sure you did." 

He dug his hands deep into his pockets and appeared to be deep in thought. 

"Monique…I made some mistakes. I hope we can start over and-"

"No we cant. I've given you too many chances already. You've overstayed your welcome, now get out of my house." Fury ran across his face and he balled his fists up. I recognized this and I can guess at what he's thinking. I know I have to stay out of his reach, I learned to run so fast from running from him. 

"I don't know what your problem is. What did they spoil you at that freak hospital?!" He grabbed my forearm in a bone breaking grip. 

"Let go! Please!"

He just snickered at my pleas. Then he dragged me into the bushes by my house. I kicked and screamed but no one heard me. I was at the mercy of a monster. He threw me to the ground and began to yell and every so often punctuate his point with a kick. 

"Scott!" I screamed it at the top of my lungs, with every ounce of strength left in me, which wasn't much. Kyle stopped abrubtly and just stared at me, the anger was diffused from his eyes and he suddenly looked very tired. He stood there for a moment or two, then with one last tired look her walked away. I stayed on the grass, praying that he wouldn't come back. Then I closed my eyes and surrendered to the darkness. 

A/N: I hoped you enjoyed this. I know its sad but this is the life she lived before Horizon. Thank you for reading, please review. 


	10. Beating the Monster

~Monique~

I flickered my eyes opened and I was immediately startled at how late it was. The sky was dark, stars were out. I tried to sit up but my head was pounding so I fell back onto the grass. Out of the corner of my eye I could see a chair and I managed to pull myself up onto it, slowly. I sat for a moment, Ietting my eyes adjust to the light and my head clear. I tried to remember what happened and as soon as I did I wished I hadn't. Kyle was a monster, but it was my fault. In the back of my head I really thought he had changed, I was wrong. I sat there and felt sorry for myself for a good ten minutes and then I brushed the tears out of my eyes, stood up, rather shakily, and went inside. It was dark in the house, my mother had probably thought I went out with Kyle. I sure did. My father was out of town, big surprise, so I wasn't worried. I inched around the corner so I wouldn't have to run into Dee or Randolph. Then I bolted up the stairs to my room and when I got inside I pulled out my old cheerleading duffle bag. I began raiding my closet and dresser, throwing everything I could get my hand on inside. When I was satisfied I went to the bathroom to get other important items. When I was finished I swept the room with my eyes just to make sure that I hadn't forgotten anything. I went over to my vanity and took the picture of Scott and I out of the silver metal frame and stuffed the picture into my jeans pocket. Then I walked out and went downstairs. I continued to make sure no one would see me but I doubted it, everyone was off by now. I found the keys to the Mercedes on the wall along with an array of more assorted keys. I pulled them off the wall and clenched them tightly into my fist. The car sat in the garage with the others in a nice neat row of chrome and leather interiors. Luckily the garage door had been left open so I hopped into the Mercedes, started the car and with one last look around, I drove into the night. 

~Scott~

I walked into Peter's office and I immediately knew something was wrong . One because Sophie was there looking incredibly worried and because Monique was sitting in one of the chairs when she was supposed to be at home. 

"What's going on?" I said looking from Peter to Sophie and then Peter to Monique. 

No one said anything but then Mo got up and walked out. Strangely no one went after her, but Peter nodded to follow her. His eyes told me she had something to say, but couldn't say it here. I caught up with her and walked beside her in silence for a few steps. Then she turned to me and I noticed the bluish black mark on her cheek but I didn't ask. Not yet. 

"So, what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be paying the parents a visit or you couldn't take it anymore and had to come back." I meant it as a feeble attempt at a joke but she didn't even smile.

"You could say that." She said. Then we continued to walk in silence. I placed a hand on her arm and stopped her so that she was facing me. She grimaced with the slight touch but stood there in the darkness, biting her lip and letting tears fall down her cheeks. I pulled the sleeve up where I had rested my hand and there was another bruise. 

"Oh my god, Mo."

"I know." She whispered. She slowly began pulling up her shirt up to her ribs. Another bruise, this one smaller but just as menacing. Then she turned around and I could see the two she had on her back. She pulled her shirt down and stood without talking infront of me. 

"There are more aren't there." I said more as a statement then a question.

She nodded. "Kyle."

As soon as she said the name anger began to churn up inside me. I hadnt felt this kind of violent anger since my first months at Horizon. It scared me but it felt good. I hated Kyle. Next time I saw him I was going to beat his brains out. She didn't look hurt emotionally and that was what made me nervous. When something like that stops making a dent and starts becoming commonplace, that's when there are problems.

"What happened?" I asked her. She sighed.

"Well, I got home. Everything was peachy as usual, at least to my mother. She decided to surprise me with a little visit from Kyle. She obvioulsy didn't understand the first time I told her I never wanted to see him again. Of course she was always trying to push us together because his father was wealthy, the perfect match. He was the perfect gentlemen, until I told him to get lost and he got mad, etc. Then he decides to add more kick to his words." She chuckled sarcastically at this. 

"Monique it's not funny." I said sternly. She stopped laughing.

"What else am I supposed to do mope around. There's nothing I can do, Scott. No one would ever believe that their precious star football player would do something like this."

"You have the bruises, the evidence."

"Like they would care. They all think im loose anyway. I can hear it now. ;That's just what that Payton girl had coming to her.' No one is going to care. So just leave it alone. I'm here now, I'm not going home. Peter already called my mom and she just said to stay. She's coming to pick the car up tomorrow though."

I let her win but I still wasn't happy. "Just be careful okay."

"I will. Nothing can hurt me, I'm safe here. I'm with you."

I said alright but for some reason knowing that still didn't comfort me. I went to sleep that night wondering if Shelby ever went through the same thing. 

~Monique~

I bounded out of bed in the morning and I was feeling unusually happy. It was odd. I never felt so light before. Maybe it was because I realized that I did have enough courage to escape and I made it this far so how much more can there be. Peter wasn't happy that I stole my mother's car and ran away but instead of giving me shuns he just put me on kitchen duty. I could handle that. At this moment I could handle anything. I got dressed and today I wore that silver angel. I went down to the kitchen and on my way I noticed a black BMW driving up to the front entrance of the school. It stopped and a woman got out. It was my mom. I walked down to the car and faced her.

"Sorry about stealing the car."

She had pressed her lips into a thin line which I automatically knew meant that she was trying to surpress her anger. 

"I'm sure you did." I handed her the keys, that at the last second I remembered to pick up. Last night Peter had said he wanted them. Just in case you decide to run again, were his exact words. As she took the keys I saw the passenger side of the BMW open. I figured it was my father but it wasn't. It was Kyle. Again.

~Scott~

Shelby and I walked hand in hand down to the kitchen because it was our turn for kitchen duty that day. I looked around for Mo and I saw her talking to a women and man by a car. 

"Hey, Shel. I'll meet you at the kitchen okay."

"Sure but don't be late. You know how Sophie gets." She pecked me on the cheek and left. I went towards the group and the closer I got the angrier I got. It was her mother. And Kyle Thornberg.

"Scott!" He was the first one to see me and greeted me with a wide friendly grin. I shot a look of venom back at him and his smile faded. Monique saw me standing next to her and she got nervous. Her mother had gone back into the car and I assumed she was waiting for Kyle who had the nerve to talk to Monique. Apparently he was trying to apologize but Mo wasn't cooperating. I was proud of her.

"I haven't seen you in a long time. The team really misses you. It just isnt the same without our other star." He said trying to make conversation. I moved infront of Monique which made me very close to him. I was as good two inches taller than him but we were the same in weight. 

"If you touch her again I will personally see to it that you hurt for a very long time." I growled through clenched teeth. He looked shocked but recovered quickly. His eyes narrrowed menacingly.

"I don't know what that whore told you but--.." He began but was cut short by my fist flying hard into his nose. He instinctively held his hand to his nose. Then he reacted with an uppercut to my jaw. Fortuantely I am quick and I kneed him in the stomach, hard. He fell back and I jumped on top of him, throwing furious punches into his face. By this time anyone who was around had stopped and was watching the show. Mrs. Payton flew out of her car and was standing by yelling for us to stop. Kyle was at my mercy and I wouldn't let him forget it.

"How does it feel now that you're the victim! Huh! How does it feel!"

I continued to pound him. I wasn't even thinking about him. It was as if I was just throwing punches into a pillow. His face was bloodied but no amount of pain seemed sufficent, he had to suffer, she had suffered. 

"This is for Mo, and for all of the other girls that ever had the misfourtune of being hooked up with you! What kind of coward beats up women! Fight with someone your own size you freaking bastard!"

I punched, pounded and screamed until I head someone scream.

"Scott! Stop!"

It was Mo. Shelby had come on the seen and they both were trying to pull me off of him. After a few more punches, I let them and I stood up, breathing hard. I wanted one more round, just one more. Shelby wrapped her arms around my waist in an effort to calm me and Mo was kneeling next to Kyle who was moaning in pain. By this time Peter and other counselors were there but they were only in enough time for the clean up. The damage had been done. 

"Scott, my office. Now." Peter said after he had helped Kyle off the ground and sent him safely to the school nurse. I saw Mo. She was just staring at me like she didn't know me and then smiled a sort of half smile. I knew she wasn't happy but I also knew she was okay. Now to deal with Peter. I could only imagine what kind of cruel and unusual punishment he had for me. But I really didn't care.


	11. Concussions of the Heart

A/N: THANK U SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS!! For a while I was debating finishing this but I def will now. Check back for frequent updates AND KEEP REVIEWING!!

~Scott~

Since I beat the daylights out of Kyle, not only am I on shuns but I also have kitchen duty for the next three weeks straight. I still have to say it was worth it to see him hobble out of the nurses office with a huge bandage over his face. If I ever see him again I might just apologize, but then again most likely not. I have plenty of time to think about this considering I will be up to my elbows in soap for a very long time. 

"Having fun?" Mo came and stood next to me and smiling mischeviously. She looked well, beautiful in fact, she always did when she smiled. I never realized how much I actually missed that. 

"I must have been for you to be able to sneak up on me like that," I lifted a hand out of the sink and stretched it towards her. "Care to join me?"

She jumped back, laughing. "I think I'll pass. Maybe later anyway, I promised Shelby I'd show her a little ballet."

I looked up with a cocked eyebrow. "Really…You and Shelby."

"Yup and I don't want to be late so I'll see you later, soap boy."

She bounced out of the room but she stopped and turned when she got to the door.

"Did anyone ever tell you that you look incredibly sexy in an apron." She said returning to her mischevious grin. 

I picked up a pot of soap and water and threw it at her, unfortuantely instead of hitting her it hit Peter who was walking in the door. She covered her mouth to surpress a laugh and then shot out the door. I stood staring at Peter with my mouth dropped to the floor. He blinked and then ran a hand slowly across his face.

"Scott, I think we need to have another little chat."

~Monique~ 

"One, two, three and one, two, three." 

I watched as Shelby mimicked my movements almost flawlessly. She was as graceful as anyone who had been dancing for a long time, maybe even better than some. 

"Wow. I've never seen anything like it. You're obviously a natural."

She blushed and then sat down on the bench next to me. We both were tired from spending a good part of the afternoon dancing. 

"I guess I always had that little girl dream of being a ballerina. It must have never went away."

"Me, I never actually wanted to be a ballerina. I wanted to be a monster truck driver."

She looked at me shocked and then we both cracked up laughing. "I'm serious," I said. "When Scott and I were six his dad took us too a monster truck rally, of course my mom didn't know,she thought he was taking us to a movie. If she had she would have passed out. I don't think Scott liked it very much but I loved it. For months after I would line my porcelain dolls up in a row and jumped toy cars over them."

"Then why did you start dancing?"

I sighed. "Well, my mother believed in old fashioned education for girls. From the time I was four to sixteen I was drilled in ballet, french, the piano, singing, hostessing and everything else 'cultured' under the sun. We went to Europe, Spain, Morracco, Switzerland, Sweden, everywhere. She was constantly taking me to art shows, fashion shows, meeting her high end friends and their equally stuffy daughters. I never fit in. During our weekly scheduled tea times while they were talking cruises on the Riviera I was thinking of rockclimbing in Colorado or Safaris in Africa. I don't know, I guess I never felt at home…at home. That's why Scott is so important to me. He is the only person that I've ever known in my whole life that treated me like…me. I never have to pretend with him and even if I did he'd see right through me. For a while I was afraid I'd lost that."

I stared off into space for a while, just contemplating. Shelby sat quietly beside me probably doing the same. 

"Sometimes I forget how lucky I am to have him. " She said and then turned to me. "What was he like when he was a kid?"

I smiled. "He was…well…there really is no word to describe Scott. He's just Scott. At first glance you'd think he was a shy, blonde, moppy headed little kid but really he was always getting me into trouble. Once he got mad at me and threw my pet rock out of the window, unfortuantely for him the window was closed and it shattered it. He promised me he would tell our parents who did it but when they asked who started to cry and couldn't say anything! So they immediately blamed it on me since it was my pet rock. I hated him for a whole week but our fights never lasted long because there's just something about him that makes it impossible to be angry with him for a long time."

She laughed with me. It was good to have someone to talk to again, maybe Shelby was a friend. After talking for a little while longer we got up and she went to go visit Scott in his soap filled prison while I decided to do a little jogging. Dancing had reminded me how rusty I was. I went running around the building and didn't see the person that I collided with. We both fell down together and I could have sworn I saw stars.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't see you." He said jumping to help me up. When I was back on my feet I brushed the hair out of my face and the dirt off my pants. I looked up at the person who had nearly knocked me out. His dark head was at least several inches above mine. I couldn't help but notice how good looking he was, but I wasn't in the mood at the moment to flirt. My head was killing me and my backside was sore.

"That's alright." I said and he smiled. It was a disarming smile and for a moment I felt a little faint but I chalked it up to a mild concussion I had probably received. I tried to walk away but the sound of his deep voice stopped me.

"By the way I'm Hank." He extended a hand and hesistantly I shook it. 

"Mo, Monique Payton." I responded, noticing that he still had my hand. 

"It's nice to meet you Monique. Too bad we had to sorta run into each other." He smiled and once again I felt faint. I must really have a concussion. 

"Yeah. Maybe we'll see each other around sometime."

"I sure hope so." He gave my hand a friendly squeeze and then walked away. I ran a finger over my open palm and smiled to myself. I could still feel the warmth of his hand on mine. I looked up one more time but he was gone. Then I shook my head to clear the sudden blurriness and hummed all the way to the kitchen. 


	12. I Can Make It Through The Rain

~Monique~

When I woke the next day I was in good mood. Then sun was shining through the slightly dusty window. I jumped out of bed before everyone else was awake but as soon as I stepped on the floor a wrenching pain ripped through my stomach and I had to grip the side of the bunk to steady myself. It only lasted a millisecond but its intensity sucked the breath right out of me. There was not a trace of pain after it left, this puzzled me but I ignored it. I felt slightly dizzy but not enough to worry about, I was used to it by now. I slipped into a pair of jeans and my favorite "I'm with stupid" sweatshirt that Scott had bought me for my fourteenth birthday. He thought it would be a great joke but my mom never allowed me to wear it outside. Now it really didn't matter what she thought, or anyone else actually. I swept my curly hair up into a messy ponytail and walked out of the door into the sunlight. Not many people were outside but I wasn't looking for just anyone. I strained my eyes to search the heads for a particular dark haired one but my efforts were futile and I stopped. There was plenty of time to look for him and I had promised Scott to help him with his early morning clean up. I found him lugging around a huge plastic bag that was only partly filled with trash. He was walking past cans and paper in a sort of daze. I snuck up behind him.

                "Boo!"

                He jumped out of his skin and nearly spilled the bag. When he turned the look of horror, embarrassment and then slight annoyance made me laugh hysterically. 

                "Real mature, Mo." He said running a hand through his head. I tried to contain myself but I couldn't. 

                "I'm sorry. Your such an easy target." 

                "Fine but you better watch your back. When you least expect it…" He said slyly. I knew he would try and get me back but he wasn't much of a person for revenge unless it involved fists, then you better watch it. I laughed again and then began helping him pick up some of the stuff he had missed.

                "Hey isn't this quality time you could be spending with your girlfriend?" I commented while gingerly picking up a particularly nasty looking coke can. 

                "I'm sure Shelby's dream date is helping me pick up trash besides she's still asleep."

                I gave him a sideways glance. "I would be too if I snuck out at three o'clock in the morning to meet my boyfriend at the docks." 

                His eyes widened but he chose to ignore me. We use to joke that he had selective hearing because he easily ignored anything anyone had to say that didn't interest him. It annoyed me all the time and he knew it. I was about to continue my observation of he and Shelby's relationship when I felt someone behind me. I turned and was face to face with the gorgeous stranger, Hank.

                "Uh, Hi." He said with his hands dug deep into his pockets. He looked extremely sexy this morning and I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out. I just kept moving my mouth up and down like a fish. He chuckled and I blushed.

                "Hi." I sighed after I finally managed to get that out. 

                "I know it's still early." He said in an effort to redeem me. I smiled and he smiled, we stood like this for a few moments before he said he had to go. I dreamily waved good- bye at his retreating form but was interrupted by Scott.               

                "Whoa. How come I suddenly feel like I missed something." He said throwing his blue eyes from me to Hank and then back at me. 

                I quickly looked down to try and hide my smile. "What are you talking about?"

                "You both just stood there grinning at each other for a full minute and neither of you had any idea that I was standing there the whole time." 

                "We did not."

                "Did too."

                "Did not."

                "Did too."

                "Did not."

                "Did too-…wait this isn't getting us anywhere." He dropped the bag for a second and looked straight into my eyes.

"I don't think it's a good idea for you to jump into anything."

"You make it sound like we're getting married or something. Relax." I said

tossing a wrapper into the bag. 

"I just don't want you to get hurt or anything. You know with Kyle and…"

That's when another pain tore through my body, wrenching my insides and sending me into a painful downward spiral. I tried to grab for something, anything, the air, a body, the darkness. I felt my self fall and hit something hard, the ground and I could hear voices around me. Scott's and then Sophie's and then Shelby's. I struggled to understand what they were saying but I could sense that they were calling to me. I tried to get to them but I was so far away. I was falling, they were trying to help me but they couldn't break my fall, not this time. 

~Scott~

I sat next to Shelby in the waiting room of the hospital but I couldn't sit still and for the fifth time that night I began to pace back and forth. She watched me from the bench with a pained expression. 

                "She's going to be alright, Scott." I knew she was trying to comfort me but I kept replaying what had happened in my mind. Talking to her one second, the next she's on the ground convulsing in pain. I shut my eyes tight hoping that somehow I could move back in time and stop it but when I opened them again I was still surrounded by the white tile and antiseptic smell of the hospital. Shelby stood up and placed a hand on my arm. I watched the door of Mo's room for a minute and then I went into her arms. She wrapped them around me and I felt like a child again, in the arms of my mother, getting comfort, drawing strength but this time it was different, we were sharing it. 

                "I know you're scared. I'm scared too." She whispered into my hair. I held her tighter and this is how we were mother and child, friends, lovers, souls when the doctor came out of Monique's room. He first went to Peter and Sophie who were talking in hushed tones at the end of the blinding white hallway. They conversed with heads low, Sophie kept nodding and Peter listened intently. When they were done Peter was holding Sophie to his chest. I got a sinking feeling in my stomach and I wanted to vomit badly. Shelby saw all this and her eyes began to well up with unshed tears. The doctor, a short balding man, introduced him self as Dr. Kramer. 

                "You must be Scott," He said and I nodded. "You can go in and see her. She asked specifically for you."

                I began to walk to the door but I stopped when I reached it. "Is she alright?"

                Dr. Kramer's face remained impassive. "She wanted me to let her talk to you."

                I nodded again and pushed open the thick wooden door that led to her room. The first thing I noticed when I entered was the whir of machines. I couldn't exactly place which ones were making the sounds but it sounded like an off key band. Then I saw Monique lying in the bed that seemed to swallow her frail form up. Her hair was fanned out around her and her in the few hours she had been here it looked as if she had aged ten years but what surprised me was that she looked even more beautiful. When she saw me entered she tried to sit up but fell back down into the hungry bed. I rushed to her side and propped it up for her and she thanked me with her brown eyes while I sat down in the chair beside the bed.

                "Hi." She said trying to hold a smile on her face.

                "Mo." Was all that I could say and her smile faded. 

                "It's not as bad as it looks, Scott. I'm not in any pain."

                I was relieved but I wasn't convinced. 

                "What happened? What's wrong?"

                She furrowed her brow and then turned away from me, staring into the white wall on the other side of her. I could hear her whimpering softly and I put a finger under her chin and turned her eyes towards me. They were red and swollen. 

                "Are you in pain?"

                She shook her head fervently. "No. It's just that…you wouldn't understand" 

                "What? What is it?"

                She kept her eyes cast down and fingered the edge of her blanket. "They said…they said…My body is eating itself inside out because…because…I'm not."

                I didn't understand, she was crying again and I didn't know what to do.

                "What are you saying, Mo. That you're starving yourself?"

                Now she was crying and sobbing uncontrollably. I got up and paced again, around the room. I had no idea what to say. I ran a hand through my hair and tried hard not to pick up something and throw it.

                "Why, Monique. Why! I don't understand."

                "I knew you wouldn't." She said through the torrent of tears.

                I stood at the edge of her bed with my hands gripping the cold plastic bar at the end. 

                "How can you blame me? My best friend is killing herself! Damn it, Mo! I…I…I just don't know." I wearily though myself into the chair and buried my head in her blanket. All I knew to do at that moment was cry and I did. I felt her slim hand touch the back of my neck softly and move to my hair. 

                "I'm sorry, Scott. I tried, I did. For a while I was getting better but it's so hard…I tried for you and me, I wanted to fight but I got so tired of fighting."

                I lifted my head and looked into her eyes. 

                "They are going to force feed you."

                "I know."

                "Is that what you want."

                "No but I can't control it."

                There was silence again. 

                "I love you, Monique."

                "I know that too."

                "I'm going to fight for you. Shelby and I aren't letting you go. Not yet."

                "I love you both, so much."

                I gathered her small body into my arms and she fell asleep with her head on my chest. The only sound was the soft whir of the machines and the tapping of the rain outside of the window. 

_I can make it through the rain_

_I can stand up once again_

_On my own_

_And I know I am strong enough to mend_

_And every time I feel afraid_

_I hold tighter to my faith_

_And I live one more day_

_I can make it through the rain_

A/N: I really hoped you enjoyed this chapter. I cried a little when I wrote it. The song "Through The Rain" is property of Mariah Carey. Review. Thank you. 


	13. My Own Personal Real Life Hell

~Monique~

"Hey beautiful." 

Groggily I finished opening my eyes to meet the pale blue ones of Scott. He was sitting in the same chair he had occupied a week ago when they first brought me into the hospital. It was odd to see him sitting amidst the noisy machines and lifeless room but it brought an indescribable comfort to me that I couldn't begin to explain. I rubbed a hand across my face and I noticed that I could feel the bones of each finger as it rubbed across my equally hollow cheek. I cringed and Scott saw this. He took my hand and brought it to his lips.

"You are beautiful. Remember that." He smiled softly and I nodded. 

"Where's Shelby?" I asked. It had been the normal ritual for he and Shelby to come together to the hospital and spend time with me before Sophie and Peter dragged them back to Horizon. Not seeing her was a shock and a disappointment. Surprisingly she had become one of my closest friends in that one week. 

"She had to take care of some business at home but she'll be back."

He looked worried about something. "Is everything alright, Scott?"

"Yeah, everything's fine. I just miss her but she'll be back in no time." He looked extremely distracted and I knew right away everything wasn't fine but I also knew better than to press Scott Barringer for information. He bent over to pick up something next to him and I craned my neck to see what it was. 

"Whatdya bring me?" I asked as he set the vibrant red bag on the white hospital sheets. I sat up and began to dig through it. I pulled out my favorite shampoo and perfume, two videos and a bag of cookies.

                "You brought it!" I exclaimed while I surfed through my treasures. 

                "Hank said the guy at the video store looked at him weird when he rented The Little Mermaid but he redeemed himself when he got Monster Truck Driving 4." Scott said, laughing. I opened the tops of the shampoo and breathed in their fragrant smells. Hospital shampoo didn't smell nearly as good. The bag of cookies laid untouched and forgotten, but not by Scott.

                "I got these too," He said handing me the small pink pack of cookies. "I remembered that you used to eat them by the pound when we were kids."

                "Which is probably why I weighed around two hundred pounds when we were kids." At any other time my comment would have been funny but now Scott looked hurt and I watched my hands nervously pick at the corners of the bed spread again. He put his hand on top of mine to stop me and get my attention. 

                "I talked to Dr. Kramer today."

                "Oh." I tried to be as nonchalant as possible. 

                "He said I should try and bring you your favorite foods, you know, get you motivated."

                "I am."

                "Liar. You should have seen the look on your face when I showed you a simple bag of cookies. You acted like someone was trying to make you eat tarantulas or something."

                "I'm sure tarantulas have a low fat concentrate." Scott wasn't amused at this.

                "You've gained a couple pounds."

                "I know, they told me. I'm trying though. One step at a time, that's the way you're supposed to do it. "

                "I'm proud of you." He beamed at me and I could tell he was sincere.

                "Do you think either of us will ever get this life thing right.?" I asked him. He sat back in his chair for a moment and contemplated before answering.

                "I think that maybe we've been through a hell of a lot but we've come out alright in the end."

                "Because we had each other and now we have Shelby."

                "Yup. You should probably get some rest. I'll be back later."

                He leaned over and brushed my forehead with his lips. I watched his retreating form as he walked out of the door. Then I closed my eyes and went to sleep but not before throwing the cookies into the garbage can beside me. 

~Scott~

"How is she?" Peter asked as I sat in his office after visiting Monique in the hospital. I sighed deeply.

                "She gained a few pounds but apparently she's still won't eat and they might have to put a tube in her."

                "Damn," I heard Peter whisper to himself. I had never heard him curse before, he must have really been upset. "Well, her mother and father are on their way up here. There condition was that if she didn't get any better they were taking her back."

                "No!" I said suddenly getting up from the chair. "They'll just make it worst. She has to stay here. With me."

                "You're probably right, Scott but there's not a thing in the universe that we can do about it. Her parents are the last word, right or wrong."

                I shut my eyes to try and ward off the approaching head- ache. First Shelby left and now they were trying to take away Monique from me. Peter was silent.

                "When do you think they'll get here?"

                "Soon. A few hours."

                "I need to talk to Mo."

                "I don't know if that's such a good idea, Scott. If her parents are going to take her home then we should have as smooth a transition as possible. Upsetting her too much might aggravate the anorexia."

                He was right and I knew it but that didn't change the fact that I needed to see her. The quiet weighed heavily in the room, crushing me and making it difficult to breathe. I said good-bye to Peter and walked out onto the docks. I sat here, thinking about everything that had happened, the phone call from Shelby's mom saying that she needed her daughter home for a while, Monique's severe anorexia. It was like one day someone decided 'lets put the Barringer boy through hell' and they had certainly given it to me. 

                "Hey Scott." A voice interrupted my thoughts and I looked up too see Juliet sitting beside me.

                "Juliet." I wasn't in the mood for her drama today but she looked different somehow.

                "I heard about Monique and I'm really sorry." Then she started to cry. "It was all my fault. I knew. I saw her but I was afraid."

                "Saw her do what?" I asked her. 

                "Everyday at any meal she would stuff food everywhere, in napkins then into her pocket or cut it up really small. I saw the signs but I didn't say anything, I'm trying to get better too…I told her to be careful but I just didn't know what to do." 

                I was startled slightly by this confession but I couldn't let Juliet blame herself even though saying something could have stopped her earlier, but then again knowing Monique probably not. 

                "It's not your fault. Mo knew what she was doing. You couldn't have stopped her and neither could we. Maybe going to the hospital was a good thing, it scared her a little, now she has the will to want to get better."

                "I really hope she does."

                "Me too." 

                Juliet leaned over and hugged me tightly and when I recovered from the shock I returned the hug. She wiped her tears, adjusted her jeans and walked away. I turned and watched the sun setting in the distance and I was a little comforted that Shelby and Monique were watching the same one. 

~Monique~

"Get out!" 

I screamed and I threw the nearest thing I could find which turned out to be an empty watcher pitcher across the room. My mother and father who had been cowering by my bed quickly walked out of the room and slammed the door behind them. I hated them. What right did they have to come in and decide that they were taking me away? I wouldn't go. I would run away again first. At the moment running away seemed like a good idea but then I noticed the wires and cords hooked up to me, it would be hard to run when you're dragging an IV behind you. My head jerked up at the sound of the door opening, I grabbed a book in preparation to ward off any intruders that happened to be my parents. 

"Mo?"

It was Scott.

"I'm not going with them! They can't make me!" He edged into the door and shut it behind him and then he took up his usual seat next to me. 

"There's nothing you can do. You have to go with them." 

I snatched my hand back from his grasp. "You want me to go don't you! Just like everyone else. The faster I'm out of your life the better off you'll be anyway."

 The torrent of words escaped my lips before I could even think about what I was saying. 

"Stop being ridiculous, Monique." He said wearily. 

I grabbed my head and tried to make the room stop spinning.

"I'm sorry," I was calming a little. "It must be the drugs they're giving me."

"How did you get here anyway?" I asked him. 

"Peter said it was alright since he knew your parents were coming."

My eyes narrowed. "I won't go with them, Scott."

"I don't want you to either."

I glanced out of the window and watched cars pull in and out of the parking lot. Red car, blue truck, white pick up. I felt Scott next to me but it was like I was in another world. As if I was behind a glass window watching everyone, but never actually being with them. I pulled my eyes from the window and looked down at my arms. They were tiny, like sticks, they were beautiful, they were ugly, full of life but close to death. I sat in the empty shell the doctors still liked to refer to as my body and wondered how many times I would have to fall before I could stand up again. 

"What are you thinking?" Scott said, tucking a stray curl behind my ear. 

"About how hungry I am. When's dinner?"

I've never seen him so happy. "Right now."

He got up to call the nurse and when he looked back I smiled at him. 

                "I have to go but I'll be back and since your eating your parents can't take you. Not yet."

                He was so excited. I hated myself for lying to him but there was nothing else I could do, I'd have to punish myself for that. 

~Scott~

"Scott," I looked up from my math homework to see Sophie standing in the doorway. "You have a phone call."

I got up from the table, thankful for any distraction and went it to Peter's office. Tactfully he left when he had handed me the phone and shut the door.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Cowboy."

I recognized the voice and the greeting immediately and my heart beat a little faster.

"Shelby…where are you…when are you coming back…"

"Whoa. One question at time." She said, there was no laughter in her voice though. "I'll be back in a week or so and I'm at home, with Jess. She's sick."

I remembered the name of her sister, the one she talked about all the time. "How sick?"

                "She has pneumonia but it isn't life threatening, it's just that my mom has to work and my dad…How's Mo?"

                "She's doing alright, I guess. They are going to wait before they tuber her. She misses you, I miss you."

                "I miss you too but I'm actually doing okay, an old friend of mine, Cameron, is in town and we've been catching up but I still can't wait to get back." I heard a noise in the background and it sounded like someone was having a coughing fit. "I have to go, she's really miserable and Cameron brought by some movies for her. I'll call you later. Okay."

                I was disappointed but I tried not to let it show when I said goodbye. I hung up the phone and walked back to my homework but concentrating was difficult. There were so many questions on my mind and so far none of them had been answered, one being who this Cameron character was. While I was scolding myself for being jealous over nothing,  Juliet walked by and before I knew what I was doing I called her over.

                "Can you answer something for me?" I asked her. She looked perplexed but agreed. 

                "Why?"

                "What?"

                "Why didn't you eat? I don't understand it at all."

                She sighed and then sat down next to me. "Well, its different for everyone. Some people do it just to be skinny but there's always something deeper. It goes beyond whether you eat or not, its emotional. I did it to escape the problems in my family, others do it to find a way to express their pain and some do it because they blame themselves for something, like a punishment, in a way. You never know."

                While I was thinking about this the answer seemed to come out of nowhere. There it was staring me straight in the eye the whole time and I ignored it because I didn't want to deal with it. Now I didn't have a choice, it was either my pride or Monique's life. That was probably the easiest decision that I would ever make and in the instant of clarity I knew what to do.  


	14. I Can See Clearly Now The Rain Is Gone

~Monique~

I could hear her voice but I didn't acknowledge her because we had been at this for about an hour and I was tired of it. 

                 "Monique, I don't feel like your paying attention."

                I turned and faced her this time. She wasn't very old but her hair was already graying and lines crowded her tiny mouth. They were probably from having to listen to people's problems her whole life, that would make me age quick too. 

                "And I don't feel like talking about it."

                She didn't loose her patience with me, not once and that ticked me off. 

                "Fine. We'll finish our session tomorrow but I want you to know something, People may have given up on you before but not this time. This time let them help you, you'll see that healing is easier when you aren't alone."

                I shot her an annoyed glance and she shook her head in disapproval. I opened the heavy mahogany door and my escort was waiting outside with the wheelchair. 

                "I don't want that today, I can walk." I said passing him by.    

                "But your nurse said-…"

                "_I _said that I can walk. Whose paying for the treatment anyway." 

                He shrugged his shoulders and let me. I knew what he was thinking, If I fell it would be my own fault. It would, just like every other time I've ever fallen, it's always my fault. When I walked into my room the first thing I saw was Scott sitting in the chair waiting for me. He rushed to my side to assist me to the bed even though I protested a million times, he never listened. 

                "Why did you let her walk! She could have been hurt or fainted or something!" He said to the escort. He didn't even answer but he shrugged his shoulders again and left.

                "Jerk." Scott said through his teeth. He was pacing and I knew that he had something important to say and I waited. 

                "Mo, do you blame yourself?" The question was so blunt that I nearly choked on air. 

                "For what?"

                "That night, when we…"

                I felt tears swell up behind my eyes but I effectively pushed them back and kept an impassive face. 

                "No. Of course not."

                He sat down beside me and played with his hands. 

                "I've been meaning to tell you something and for a while I didn't know if I should because I thought you would hate me," I nodded for him to continue. "That night…I…well…I knew exactly what was going on. I wasn't high, I was just a little buzzed and I…I wanted you, Mo but I thought you would reject me and I knew you couldn't resist me if…if I…acted helpless."

                "What" I whispered. It felt like someone had just punched the air out of me. 

                "Please don't blame yourself. It was my fault, I could have stopped, I even thought about stopping but I didn't. You were so beautiful, you were everything I wanted but after I felt horrible. Then I realized what I wanted wasn't you physically but I needed you as my friend. I got the two confused, I didn't know where to draw the line. I guess it must have been the whole Elaine thing, I guess I just associated love and need with making love."

                I sat still and silent in my bed and I let my eyes wander. I wasn't looking at anything in particular just around the room. Scott was watching me and tears were in his eyes because he never meant to hurt me, at least that's what he said. I searched his face with my eyes, looking for something but I wasn't exactly sure what yet. I started speaking, slowly, as if I were possessed by something I couldn't control.  

                "Every night I would cry because I thought I had hurt you. I felt empty, dirty and like I had failed you. Those days I skipped meals because I was so upset and eventually it just became second nature. It felt good to be empty because it made me feel full for the moment. I thought that if I suffered a little each day it would make up for the feeling that I was responsible for sending you away. It was like beating someone, each time I was hit the sorrier I felt and through that I was connected with you. I wanted to stop but I couldn't it…I can't."

                Scott grabbed my hand and held it close to him and I tried hard not to cry. "Yes you can. You know why? Because you and I have suffered so damn much that we deserve to be happy just once. You can because your strong, stronger than you give yourself credit for."

                I had no idea what to say but I just watched him, watching me. 

                "Scott?"

                "Yeah." He said softly. 

                "I'm tired of hurting."

                He held me tighter. "I know."

                "I'm ready… I'm ready to fight." 

                We sat there for a while and I knew then that I wouldn't give in. I had been given a second chance and I was going to take it, for Scott, for me, for life. 

                "Monique Garret! What are you doing?!" 

                "Shoot." I mumbled under my breath as my nurse, Rhonda rushed down the hall towards me, I had the slightest thought to run but it wouldn't be worth it, she always out ran me. For a nurse I had found out that she was pretty tough and when the doctors realized that I needed a firm hand she was the first one they had called. She liked to refer to herself as a "fiery Irish lass" and I believed her.  At least this time I had made it halfway to the lobby before she caught me. 

                "What am I going to do with you?" She said taking my arm and leading me, and the I.V. back to my room. 

                I rolled my eyes. "For starters you could let me out of this sterilized prison."

                "Well, remember our deal, the less you skip your therapy sessions the more freedom you get." She pulled me into the room and tucked me into bed. 

                "I'm not an invalid, you know. You act like I'm going to croak at any minute." Rhonda threw me the remote control and turned down the music I had up a little loud.

                "Goodness, you're going to give the elderly patients a heart attack with that…rap music," She said shaking her head. I did my best sulking routine by pouting my lip and crossing my arms across my chest. "It's only been three weeks since you were near death, Monique. I've never seen a faster recovery but give it sometime, you don't want to over do it."

                "Fine, but I'm not making any promises about therapy. I've had enough shrinks to last me a lifetime."

                She laughed. "Scott's here."

                As she said it he came through the door. His tall frame filled the doorway and he smiled slightly. 

                "You need to have a talk with you friend over there." She gestured towards the bed and I tried my best to look innocent.  
                "Mo, did you try and escape again?" He said in mock disapproval. 

                "I just wanted some real food. I mean they tell me to eat yet they force me to inhale disgusting hospital food. No wonder I starved myself."

                Rhonda shook her head again and threw her hands up in the air in defeat while she walked out. "I have no idea what to do with you anymore."

                Scott came in and sat beside me, the usual routine and I started small talk.

                "…and then Hank said that when I got out he'd take me…Scott?…are you okay."

                He hadn't been listening to a word I'd said and I knew it. 

                "Oh, sorry. I'm alright."

                "Liar. It's Shelby isn't it?" 

                He was quiet and tightlipped but eventually he would let it out because that's how our relationship worked.

                "She's been home for almost three weeks now and she's only been to visit twice. She keeps saying its not permanent and I believer her its just that…"

                "That Cameron guy." I said simply. He looked up quickly.

                "I'm not jealous."

                "Yes you are."

                He sighed.

                "Ok…maybe just a little."

                "Look, Scott, Shelby loves you. You have absolutely nothing to worry about. It's natural for you to be a little jealous just don't get so jealous that it starts hurting your relationship. You have to trust her."

                "You know your right," Scott laughed a little. "Since when did you get so wise?"

                "It must be sitting here and watching Oprah and reading Cosmopolitan all day. You really should let me give you an exfoliating scalp treatment." I leaned over to his blonde hair and he jumped up.

                "No way. Last week that all natural face thing you gave me made me smell like avocado for three days. I don't know how you talk me into this stuff."

                "Because you're a push over when it comes to women."

                He stopped for a moment and thought. "You know…your right."

                "Scott, I didn't mean it like that…I…" I remembered Elaine and what he had been through, it must have been horrible for him and any memories of it must have hurt. 

                "No it's okay."

                "I'll see you tomorrow, I have homework." I knew he was lying but I didn't comment. 

                He kissed me on the forehead.

                "Don't forget my ice cream." 

                "I won't."

                When he got to the door I called him.

                "Hey, Scotty?"

                "Yeah." He turned and faced me, pain was written all over his face. He needed Shelby, I could tell. For a second I hated her for not being there but I also realized that it wasn't her fault and just as quickly I forgave her.

                "It's going to be okay."

                "Why?"

                "Because…because we've been through a hell of a lot and we deserve to be happy for once." I quoted and he smiled at me through the pain on his face. 

                "You know you're the only one that I let call me Scotty. Somehow you don't make it sound so, dirty." With that he walked out and I followed him with my eyes till they stung from not blinking. I felt that if I did, he would disappear forever.


	15. Standing In Your Shadow

~Scott~

I shouldn't be nervous and in reality I had no reason to be but my hands didn't seem to agree and they kept folding and unfolding, I couldn't stand still. I did my normal pacing routine, back and forth, back and forth, until my legs got tired and then I would stop and look for a car, then pace again. I tried to remember the call from early that day. Shelby had said that she was coming home and it took every bit of self-control in me not to whoop and holler in joy. She had also pointed out that she had a surprise for me but I had no idea what it was and I couldn't even begin to guess and in actuality I really didn't care, I was just excited to have her home again. It had been tough being alone and dealing with Mo's sickness. It was true that she was getting better and fast but there was still something inside her, I could tell, something holding her back from recovering completely. The psychiatrist had said that if she didn't slow down she might over do it and relapse, but telling Mo to slow down was like trying to tell the sun to stop shining. As I thought of Monique, I heard the distant sound of a car rumbling in the background of my mind and I walked outside to see who it was. An old brown station wagon stopped in front of the school and even before the door opened I knew who it was. I ran to the door and when it swung open I threw my arms around Shelby and hugged her tight to my chest. The urgency and relief I felt by being near her frightened me a little but I didn't have time to think about it because she pulled away to look at me and the sensation was gone. 

"I think you've grown." She cocked her head to one side as if she hadn't seen me for years. 

I put an arm around her waist. "I missed you, Shel." 

She hugged me again but once again pulled away. "I missed you too but I want you to meet someone." As she said this the driver's side of the door opened and a tall, dark haired guy got out of the car. He came around to Shelby's side and stood grinning at me and immediately I hated him. 

            "Scott, Cameron. Cameron, Scott Barringer, the one I told you about." She said motioning to us both respectively. He continued to smile and extended a tanned hand, I shook it hesitantly. 

"It's awesome to meet you. I've heard a lot about you." He was a little over enthusiastic but I could handle that. 

"I've heard a lot about you too. What brings you to Horizon? You're not messed up like the rest of us are you?" I wouldn't have been shocked if he had said yes because he didn't look like your classic all American teenage boy. His hair had that messy look to it and he was dressed in a "Grateful Dead" t-shirt, he adjusted his thick-rimmed glasses and I noticed that when he lifted his arm you could see part of a tattoo sticking out from underneath his sleeve. He wasn't the kind of guy I would hang out with when I was in high school but I had heard that chicks dig the intellectually wild type. 

"Actually no." He said in response to my question.

"Cam's trained in counseling teenagers with difficulties." Shelby cut in proudly.

            Cameron smiled at her then continued. "Sort of like a peer counselor. Sometimes kids need someone on their level, their age to talk to, that's what I give them. I also am here to observe and takes some notes, get some experience for the road."

            Shelby interrupted again, still beaming at him. "Cam is going to Yale in the fall to study adolescent psychology."

            "That's nice. Well, enjoy your stay." I said curtly and then turned to Shelby. "I'm going to see Mo she gets out in a few days, she really wants to see you."

            Shelby's smiled faded and she wore a pained expression. "Scott…I can't I promised Cameron I'd introduce him and show him around a little."

            "But-…" I started.

            "No that's okay." Cameron said and for a moment I thought I could tolerate him.

            "No I promised. I can see Mo in a little while, give her my love okay?" She said kissing me on the cheek before she walked away with Cameron. They hadn't walked two feet away before they were deep in conversation. I sighed and then contemplated throwing a rock at him but refrained guessing that Shelby wouldn't appreciate that. I didn't even remind her that it was my birthday.

~Monique~

            I tucked myself between the door and its hinge and tried to stay as quiet as possible. I couldn't see anything much in the dark and it was getting harder to breathe but the excitement was rippling through my body. I heard footsteps outside the door and immediately I tensed up in wait. 

            "Mo?" Scott's voice drifted to where I was standing. "Are you in here?"

            I waited for a second then in one fluid motion I jumped out from behind the door, flicked on the lights and yelled surprise. Scott's eyes widened in shock and he was rendered speechless. 

            "Happy Birthday, you old man!" I grabbed his hand and led him over to the cushioned hospital chair he always sat in but which was festively decorated for the occasion. 

            "I didn't think anyone remembered." He said quietly. I grinned at him while I rummaged around for his gift.

            "Did you actually think that I'd forget your seventeenth birthday?"

            He smiled softly. 

            "Thanks Mo."

            "No problem," I said casually but the depth of feeling behind his words wasn't lost on me. I handed him his present, which was oddly wrapped in comic paper. "Sorry about the paper, best I could do considering the circumstances."

            He unwrapped it slowly and I waited on the edge of the bed for his reaction. 

            "Mr. Fluffums?" He quizzically surveyed the object in his hands and then a slow Scott-like smile crept across his handsome features. "Mo…how did you…when did you…I can't believe you found him!"

            Scott wrapped his long arms around me in a hug.

            "Actually, it was with a little help from your dad. I got the idea while I was watching soaps one day and I called him. He searched for days until he found him and shipped him here."

            "My dad?"

            "Yeah."

            His face remained impassive and unemotional while we talked about his father and he dropped the subject. 

            "This things a rag." He quipped while rotating the bear in his hands. One eyes was missing and some of his little body was missing fur.

            "He's well loved that's all."  I said while trying to defend Mr. Fluffums. Scott held him to his chest for a moment with closed eyes and I could only imagine the memories that were running through his mind. I knew that I had given him more than just a bear. I had given him a part of a long ago forgotten past, a past that was still so much apart of him and maybe even a little hope for the future, nestled in between patches of brown synthetic fur. 

            "Scotty," I called after a few minutes of silence sat between us. "What's wrong?"

            He snapped out of it and shook his head as if awakening from a dream. "What…nothing."

            "Liar."

            "I'm fine."

            "Liar."

            He sighed heavily and sat Mr. Fluffums down on the bed next to me.

            "I don't want to talk about it, Mo."

            "Fine," I picked Mr. Fluffums up and put him up close to his face. "Then talk to Mr. Fluffums."

            "I'm not talking to a bear."

            "Yes you are."

            "No I'm not."

            "Stop being such a dick, Scott." 

            He was going to come up with a smart aleck response but he didn't get a chance because Shelby's blonde head poked through the door followed by the dark hair of another person that I didn't recognize. As soon as Scott saw them a shadow swept behind his eyes but I didn't have time to ask him again what the matter was.

            "Monique!" Shelby put her arms around my neck in a hug and I returned it warmly, it was good to see her, even if I did feel a little out of the loop. For some reason I couldn't take my eyes off the guy that was standing next to her. He was gorgeous, ruggedly handsome, smart, funny and charming all at the same time. Shelby had introduced him as her friend, Cameron who was going to Yale and I couldn't notice how enthusiastic she was and I also saw how annoyed Scott continued to look. Cameron and Shelby stayed for a few moments and it looked like she hadn't forgotten Scott's birthday because she gave him a 24 kt gold chain. He thanked her but distantly and there was an uncomfortable cloud in the room until after they left. Her excuse was that she had to accompany Cameron back to Horizon because he had a meeting with Peter.

            "So…" I said to Scott. He was sitting there, staring out of the window with a dazed expression. 

            "Uhuh…" 

            "Cameron's a nice guy." I said hesitantly, he turned his eyes towards me and nodded slightly.

            "Yeah, real nice."

            "You aren't jealous are you?"

            "No, of course not."

            "You shouldn't be."

            He got up fast. "I'm not, Mo. Just drop it, God!"

            "Sorry." I whispered. 

            "It's just that…It's just that I miss her but she's standing right in front of me. Like I wanna reach her, hold her but I can't because she's far away. Damn it. Something has changed but I don't know what." He plopped back down and looked tired and defeated. I left him alone but I handed him Mr. Fluffums, whom he clutched to his chest again. I rolled over and went to sleep and I think that he sat there the whole night. 


	16. If Love Should Ever Fade, Trust Me

~Scott~

            I never thought I'd ever fall in love. It was as if the feeling was reserved for those who deserved it and I knew somewhere in the back of my finite mind that I didn't, that I don't. I know that I never should have fallen for Shelby and I also realized that she deserves something better than me, than what I could ever give her. It felt strange now, watching them, her and Cameron, together, with their heads bent low deep in conversation about things that I could never understand. I know that I should probably run in and beat the crap out of the guy but I can't bring myself too, I think it's because she's happy, sitting there talking to him, but I am completely miserable. Earlier I promised Monique to be there when they released her but she really didn't need me either. Hank had been coming around even more often, I secretly hated it when he did but I'd never tell Mo that, it seemed like everyone around me was happy but I couldn't be. Seventeen years old and I had seen more than most people my age, this time I just wanted to close my eyes. 

            "Hey."

            She sat down next to me and tucked a stray strand of blonde hair behind her ear. I tried not to notice that she was wearing the sweater Cameron had surprised her with yesterday, it was a greenish blue color, like the color of the sea, it brought out her eyes, I hated that sweater. 

            "Hey."

            I glanced at her and then went back to my book and I hoped she wouldn't notice that I had been on the same page for half an hour. 

            "You busy today?"

            "Not that I know of." I didn't bother looking up this time. She was quiet and I was tempted to see if she was even still sitting there.

            "Look, I don't know what's going on but you've been avoiding me and acting strange for the past week."

            Her voice startled me and suddenly she was standing up with her face contorted in anger. 

            "I'm surprised you even noticed." I said simply, also getting up but walking away.

            "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

            She ran so that she was standing in front of me and I had to stop walking to face her. She was so beautiful it was painful but I looked away before she could see it in my eyes.

            "Nothing, Shelby, nothing."

            "Scott, Don't-…"

            "Don't what," I said incredulously. "Don't feel like I no longer exist to you, don't watch you and Cameron every freaking day together! Don't act like nothing's wrong when you damn well know that something is!"

            The torrent of words escaped me like a well aimed fist and it had drained every bit of energy from me, I breathed hard and I desperately wanted to curl up some place and sleep it off but I knew it wouldn't be that easy. Shelby stood there in shock, tears filled her eyes but her mouth remained set in a hard line.

            "So that's what this is about, Cameron," She whispered quietly. I didn't say anything, just shifted my eyes so that I wouldn't have to look at her. "I can't believe this Scott. You're jealous of him. You actually think that I would throw away every special moment we've every shared together for some five minute fling? He's just my friend, Scott. So your saying it's okay for you to have Monique but I can't have Cam. I…I can't believe you don't trust me that much."

            She brushed at the tears in her eyes and then walked away. I continued to stand there, staring into the distance, wondering when I stopped trusting my own girlfriend and when I stopped trusting myself. 

~Monique~

            I picked up one last personal item and put it into my bag before moving my eyes expertly across the room to see if I had forgotten anything. Today was the day that they were going to release me from the hospital and I was so excited that I was scared I would leave something behind. The weight I had gained was considerable and after being weighed, monitored and psychoanalyzed for almost a month I was ready to get back into the real world. My parents had fought at first to send me home but of course I always won so they went home without me, Scott was distant, in his own world, I had a feeling that it had more to do with Cameron than he was admitting and I was here, sitting on the edge of a hospital bed, waiting to be exonerated. I glanced at my watch for the thirtieth time that second. Discharge was at noon and it was almost twelve o'clock so I would just have to wait a little longer for Peter to come and get me. The radio was still sitting there and I turned it on, I surfed through stations before I came to a classical one and I immediately recognized the song. It was the last one I had danced before coming to Horizon, my last recital, the last time I had ever worn a pair of point shoes. Slowly I got up and began to move fluidly with the music, turning and dancing, lost in my own world. 

            "Bravo." 

            The sound stopped me in a mid leap and I almost fainted when I saw who was standing at the door. It was Hank, he started clapping and once again I felt sick, my cheeks were burning in embarrassment but he wasn't mocking me, it looked like he was genuinely impressed. 

            "I didn't know you danced." He said grabbing the bag off my bed.

            "What are you doing here?" I said shakily.

            "Peter had a little problem this morning so he sent me to come and get you. I hope you don't mind."  
            I shook my head. "No, I was just expecting him, that's all."

            "Oh, well, surprise!"

            We laughed together as I followed him out of the hospital room. He crooked his arm so that I could slip mine into his and we walked along the corridors like a happy, eccentric couple. When we got outside he bowed low and opened the door for me, I giggled like a schoolgirl, curtsied and hopped inside. He settled down in the seat next to me and grinned while he started the car. For a few moments, we drove down the road in silence and I looked over to see him deep in his own thoughts. 

            "So do you mind me asking how you winded up at Horizon?" Hank asked after a while. I knew eventually he would ask and I was ready.

            "No. In a nutshell I became anorexic, out of control, I burned a dress in the bathroom, I broke almost every expensive item in the house and I became an all around problem. My parents couldn't deal with it anymore and they sent me here… I just began thinking that something was wrong with me but I didn't know what it was and everyone else did. It ticked me off."

            His gaze bore into mine. "I'm thinking that there's everything right with you."

            I blushed, we were sitting at a red light now and I noticed how close he actually was to me. His eyes held mine again and then he leaned over and kissed me, sweetly and innocently. It wasn't anything like when Kyle kissed me, like it was a threat or an expectation, Hank's kiss asked nothing of me that I couldn't give, but in that moment when his lips were on mine I could have given him the moon if he asked it. He was the first to pull away and I found myself a little disappointed but it didn't last long because he pulled my hand into his and we drove the rest of the way to Horizon, hand in hand. For the first time in a long time I felt safe with a guy that wasn't Scott.


	17. Every Shower Creates Flowers

~Monique~

            "I'm fine."

            "Once again you're lying."

            "I told you, I'm fine."

            "Your nose just grew another foot."

            "Monique…"

            Scott and I had been at it the whole morning, it was like today he woke up and decided to make everyone's lives miserable. Truthfully, he was edging on PMS. He looked horrible, depressed and despondent and he was lucky that I didn't comment on how tired his eyes were. Instead I focused my attention back on the math homework I was trying to decipher but it was difficult. I glanced up slightly and I immediately noticed that he was staring at something, his mouth was set in a hard line, the muscles at his jaw flexed, and then suddenly he grabbed his papers, got up and walked away. I sat there stunned for a moment and then I looked around to see if anyone had witnessed his episode and someone had, Shelby, she was standing further away with Cameron not far behind. I could only guess that Scott's abrupt exit had something to do with her, our eyes met but she quickly looked away, I wasn't sure but I could almost sense pain in her stare. 

            I watched from afar as Shelby said something to Cameron, who in turn nodded and then she left him standing there. I couldn't hear what either of them was saying but since it was none of my business I didn't mind. Again, I tried to focus on the swarms of math problems in front of me but I was interrupted by a deep voice.

            "Hey, Monique."

            Looking up, I met the warm blue eyes of Cameron. He sat down next to me and rested a tanned muscular arm on the table. 

            "Hey." I said friendlily. His eyes rested on my paper.

            "Math, I never was really good at it."

            "Well, I'm sure you could do better than I am."

            "Need help?"

            The question caught me off guard because before he had never seemed interested in being more than acquaintances with me but I figured you could never have to many friends, especially ones who could help with Algebra. 

            "Sure." I said and he smiled broadly before grabbing my pencil off of the worksheet. 

            "Okay, this is pretty straightforward. If you take the coordinates of x and input any random number you should be able to have a set of outputs for y, which you can test and see if they are the correct points on the plane." 

            Unknowingly I cocked an eyebrow while I tried to arrange what he had just said in my head. X, Y, input, output…I sighed, I had a feeling this was going to be a long day.

~Scott~

            "Scott! Wait." 

            A familiar voice stopped my walk to the bathroom and I turned to see Shelby running after me. Her blonde hair streamed behind her as she tried to catch up with me and the sudden urge to keep walking over came me but when I looked down I realized that I hadn't moved an inch. She stood next to me, panting slightly from the run. 

            "Where's Cam?" The sarcastic remark escaped me and I wished with everything in me I hadn't said it but it was too late so I braced for the tongue-lashing. No words came though, instead Shelby reached up, wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me. I almost fainted from surprise.

            "What was that for?" I blinked in shock and Shelby grabbed one of my hands in hers.

            "I love you, Scott. Regardless of you being a total jerk and every time I feel like punching your face in I remember how incredible you are, how incredible we are. There's nothing like it and I don't want to loose it but the first thing you need to understand is that you never have to feel like you can't talk to me. I hate to see you run from me, you have absolutely no idea how that makes me feel. You also don't know how hearing you accuse me of cheating on you with Cameron feels. It's true, I love Cameron, but I _love_ you. They're two entirely different feelings and they mean two entirely different things to me." 

            I closed my eyes briefly in an effort to digest every word, and after they had sunk in I reached out and took Shelby in my arms. Every fear I had ever had rushed out and I felt good, safe and whole again. 

            "I'm really sorry." I whispered it into her hair, we embraced for a few minutes and then she stepped back and punched me in the arm, hard. I yelped and rubbed my arm.

            "Now, what was that for!"

            She smiled smugly. "That was for the jerk part."

            I grabbed her playfully around the waist and she yelled and tried to get away but my grip was too strong. She struggled but eventually, laughing, she relaxed and I kissed her soundly on the lips.

            "Hmm, what was that for?" She said mimicking my tone. 

            "For the part where I say I love you too."

A/N: Quick chapter, Mo and Cameron are friends, Scott and Shelby make up, looks like nothing can go wrong. Hmmm…but something always does and next time it may cost more than just not speaking…the end draws near (Possible futuristic sequel if you guys want it)


	18. EpilougeFinal Goodbyes

                                    One Year Later and the Final Dance

I positioned my bags close to me and tried hard to hold back the tears that were forming silently behind my eyes. Scott, Shelby, Hank, Cameron, Peter, Sophie and the rest of the Cliffhangers had come out to see me off for the final time. I hated goodbyes, especially this goodbye but I knew it wouldn't be forever. Peter and Sophie were the first to come forward.

            "It was a pleasure to meet you, Monique." Sophie said after hugging me tightly. Peter did the same voiced his goodbye and then fell back with the others. The rest of the Cliffhangers rushed forward and I almost toppled over when they all grabbed me in a hug at the same time. I laughed through the tears as they all said their final goodbyes. 

            "I'm going to miss you." Juliet said sniffling dramatically. Even David offered a slight smile. When they all went to join Peter and Sophie, Hank wandered forward, trying his best to look casual but I could tell he was upset. We had been together for a year, since the time he had caught me dancing in my hospital room. A pain struck me hard in the chest when he wrapped his arms securely around me. 

            "I've never met anyone like you, ever. I'm going to miss you more than anything in the world. Do you really have to go?"

            I thought for a second. Was it really necessary to go? Couldn't I just stay? Be a counselor, help out? But as much as I wanted to remain in the security of Horizon I already knew the answer.

 "Yeah. I really do."  

He nodded valiantly, kissed me and stepped back. I knew that it was hard for him to do but he did it with a smile and tried to be brave. For me, we had said our own goodbyes privately, enough tears had been shed, now it was time to be strong for everyone else. Cameron was next and the first thing he did was pick me up off the ground and swing me around in his strong arms once. Laughing, I returned to the ground and he tousled my hair mischievously. 

"I'm gonna miss you, kid but not all those algebra problems!"

"Thanks, Cam. For everything." I said sincerely and he smiled.

"Don't mention it. I just wish I had met you earlier." He had been like a big brother to me since I had met him. There were times when I knew he wanted to give up on me but he never did. I kissed him on the cheek as Shelby and Scott stood next to me. Immediately, Shelby began crying and that set me off. We both stood there, clinging to each other and crying.

"Your, your one of my best friends in the whole entire world." She sobbed. 

"I know…I love you, Shelby." I said equally as tearful. We stood like this until Scott cleared his throat.

"I'll let you and Scott have some time. Don't forget to call!" She said before throwing herself into the arms of Cameron and sobbing against his chest. I wiped at my eyes as Scott and I walked a little away from the crowd of people. 

"So…this is it." His voice sounded husky and strained. I nodded slowly. 

"This is it."

"Mo…I," He began but before he could finish I grabbed him into a hug. It felt like we were holding on for dear life, for a last breath of air. 

"God, I don't know what I'm going to do without you. Please don't go"

I released him but held on to one of his hands. "We're eighteen now. We've been at Horizon, learned from each other, grown but now its time to take what we've got and see if we can make it on our own. You and Shelby, Dasiy, David and Ezra are going to college in the fall, Juliet and Auggie are engaged, Can you believe it, Scott, we're grown up! Cameron is going back to Yale to finish his degree so he can help Peter. It's time, I need to go back home, see my family, mend some bridges and find out who I am. Maybe when I get there I'll know what I was meant to do in life and I can be happy but life has no guarantees. I guess, we're all just, winging it. I want all of you to remember something though, I love you and I will always love you, no matter what. Someday you may be lost and not knowing where your going but just remember look out into the Horizon, then into your heart, and you'll always know where to go." 

I hugged and kissed him one last time, waved to everyone and then threw the one bag I hadn't already packed into the back of my car. I could see them all now, standing arm in arm, Shelby still crying but holding on to Scott now. They were all together and I knew then that everything would be alright because we would always have Horizon, we would always have the memories and we would always have each other. 

                                    THE END

A/N: Another chapter has come to an end in this story and in the lives of Scott, Shelby, Monique, Cameron and everyone else. Truthfully I really just wanted to finish this story so I can start the sequel. I'm really getting into taking the characters and transporting them into a new decade. 

Once More With Feeling 

It's ten years later, ten years is a long time and a lot of changes have occurred. Step into the lives of Monique, Scott, Shelby and our other characters after Horizon. Life is unpredictable, hilarious, tragic, wonderful and always full of surprises!


End file.
